Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 577: People value their mail, but surprises even more. So if you get a job as a mail carrier, deliver on the sly. Sneak it into places they don't expect. Try out a few midnight deliveries and see how their faces light up. Especially when it comes to the cable bill.

Assignment 570: Intentionally buy underwear that lets your junk pop out when you walk, like thrift store Fruit of the Looms a size too big for your body.

Assignment 571: If a homeless person tells you they're a big shot rapper, believe them, and pour about a thousand dollars or so into producing an album with him, accommodating for his frequent alcoholic binges, drug use, and failure to stick to a schedule.

Assignment 572: There's no rule that says you can't use loaded baby diapers to beat percussion on a couple trash cans full of rotting produce and meat.

Assignment 573: There's an easy solution to the problem of an unknown user locking up your computer files and not allowing you to rename or delete them: Voodoo. Don't know any spells? Here's one: Light a bunch of citronella candles and draw a circle on the floor around your tower and monitor with graham cracker crumbs. Next, draw Vin Diesel's tattoo on the equipment with a silver sharpie while playing a Hank Williams record backwards.

Assignment 574: It's time to throw a big spur-of-the-moment picnic. Put a huge sign advertising the picnic on the side of a bank, paint the building all kinds of crazy colors, and wait for people to bring food. All day and all night. Even when bank security guys come and hassle you.