Female Doctor

 Having a female Doctor on Doctor Who doesn't bother me. Jodie Whittaker does. She's condescending, like a host on Romper Room or something. It insults your intelligence. Performance-wise, I don't believe she's an alien. It ruins my suspension of disbelief.

She's supposed to be thousands of years old, but doesn't act it. Also, she talks to herself too much. It's super annoying.

And then there's the bit she keeps doing where she reads the sonic screwdriver like an error proof test. I don't think you should be able to read the screwdriver at all. I never once saw a screen on it.

Obsessive thoughts

 Paranoia and compulsive thought robs a person of creativity. The mind is laser focused on terrible scenarios that are borderline fantasy. You make up stories about the people around you conspiring against you, you invent worlds of terrible insects and viruses. Your mind is so consumed by all that, that you don't have a chance to write something truly creative. You also work hard to appease your obsessions, just so you can sleep.

I know because I have bipolar disorder and some OCD. Last night, I was obsessed with eliminating bedbugs and making sure my car was locked. I could have been writing fiction instead, and using all that obsessive thought on something fun. I think some people aren't consciously aware of this, or can't make themselves focus on other things that matter. I got swept up in mine, but I was able to catch myself doing it. I realized it's better to put the obsession to work inventing fantasy worlds.

I meet homeless people all the time who work hard to invent elaborate stories about how much they are suffering in their life. Many have a rehearsed "poverty speech."

 It starts out believable, but goes to a point where they are inventing medical problems that science has yet to discover. A woman once told me that her stomach had been surgically removed. Another woman (not homeless, but acted like it) thought the question of how many times you swallow in a minute was a life or death issue. Other homeless people tell you they play checkers with Obama.

One man I met tends to fabricate people in the neighborhood that he knows, and their relationship to him. He will point to someone and tell me a story about them, but the person he mentions does not show any sign of recognition. If he is that well known, why is he asking me for help?

 Just think if an ounce of that creativity got redirected to the writing of plays or music. Or creating a "mind palace".

There is a line in the Neverending Story novel that basically says that lies exist because people stopped using their imagination.

It's not just the homeless. People with houses sometimes come up with elaborate fantasies about how people of other races are talking behind their back and conspiring against them. Or planning a robbery. And they spend huge amounts of time and money on home security.

In summary, your mind is a ship. If you are aware of the steering wheel, think about where you want to go and who you want to be, or you won't like where you end up.

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 524: Pick up random objects you find along the ground, pennies, rubber bands, food and little car parts, and put them in your mouth. Also try out those soda and beer bottles full of yellow liquid you see lying about.

Assignment 525: When you clock in at work, dose yourself with laxatives, and keep popping them throughout your shift.

Assignment 526: Go into acting for the sole purpose of ruining the most important scenes by breaking into the DuckTales theme song at the worst possible moment. If you work for Disney, just make it a habit of abruptly walking off stage and giving people the finger.

Assignment 527: Open a restaurant that's only open at random times in the middle of the night. Keep the "closed" sign hanging up all the time, and turn it around on the sly.

Assignment 558: Open a grocery store or UPS store so you can close the door and say you're closed for the day whenever you see somebody you don't like.

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 577: People value their mail, but surprises even more. So if you get a job as a mail carrier, deliver on the sly. Sneak it into places they don't expect. Try out a few midnight deliveries and see how their faces light up. Especially when it comes to the cable bill.

Assignment 570: Intentionally buy underwear that lets your junk pop out when you walk, like thrift store Fruit of the Looms a size too big for your body.

Assignment 571: If a homeless person tells you they're a big shot rapper, believe them, and pour about a thousand dollars or so into producing an album with him, accommodating for his frequent alcoholic binges, drug use, and failure to stick to a schedule.

Assignment 572: There's no rule that says you can't use loaded baby diapers to beat percussion on a couple trash cans full of rotting produce and meat.

Assignment 573: There's an easy solution to the problem of an unknown user locking up your computer files and not allowing you to rename or delete them: Voodoo. Don't know any spells? Here's one: Light a bunch of citronella candles and draw a circle on the floor around your tower and monitor with graham cracker crumbs. Next, draw Vin Diesel's tattoo on the equipment with a silver sharpie while playing a Hank Williams record backwards.

Assignment 574: It's time to throw a big spur-of-the-moment picnic. Put a huge sign advertising the picnic on the side of a bank, paint the building all kinds of crazy colors, and wait for people to bring food. All day and all night. Even when bank security guys come and hassle you.

The Egyptology of Sweet Pickles

 I didn't think I would get much out of this theory, but now that I looked up some Egyptian gods, and it wasn't as much of a stretch as I thought.

Jackal: Anubis, Sed, Wepwawet.

Goose: Gengen Wer.

Stork: Thoth, Bennu.

Lion: Pick a name. There are tons of lions.

Hippo: Taweret, Ahti, Ipy.

Rabbit: Unut.

Alligator: Sobek or Khentekhai.

Pig: Set .

Vulture: Tafner, Nekhbet.

Bird characters: Take your pick.

Turtle: Apesh.

Elephant: Heset (he runs a grocery store, and has food in his pocket).

Kangaroo: Trickster Seth.

I have theories for the others, but you have to be a little too creative to say, "Yes, that's what it is."

Also note how the list of characters in the books bear a passing resemblance to the lineup of Egyptian deities you see in some places.

Unknown book

 I don't know what joke book I was reading, but I came across a line about fancy restaurant menus, and it described one of the meals as "Broached strumpet in harrow sauce." I don't know what book that was. Any ideas?

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 582: When working landscaping at an apartment complex, aim to do your noisiest mowing and weed trimming next to windows of people who work from home.

Assignment 583: Make a new line of fragrances that smell like a sewage treatment facility and burning tires.

Assignment 584: Check with the county assessor's office and records department to ensure all your office buildings and houses get built on Indian burial grounds and places with a horrible bloody past.

Assignment 573: Produce a small daily newspaper that delivers only to crypts, cemeteries, the back end of bus stations, storm sewers and the water heater rooms of apartment buildings. Keep the material fresh and new every day to catch the eye of your thousands of readers.

Assignment 574: Everybody is tired of The Daily Growl. Be the first to make a rubber newspaper chew toy for dogs with actual photographs and informative articles pertaining to dogs and things important to their lifestyle. Come out with new editions daily.

Assignment 575: Make recordings of the neighbor's dog whining and carrying on, then sneak up beside their house at four in the morning and play it on a loudspeaker while the owner is trying to sleep.

Assignment 576: You can easily fix those pesky scratches on CDs and DVDs with mayonnaise, whipped cream, bacon fat and peanut butter and jelly. Try them independently or all at once. Don't be fancy and wipe them off, just plug them in the machine like that. It'll make them run like new.

Commenting on art

 There is nothing more disappointing than having someone who doesn't like your artwork coming in and fact checking you in a comment. 

Nuts to nightingale

 My top favorite Sweet Pickles books have been Goose Goofs off, The Great Race, Fixed by Camel, Lion is Down in the Dumps, and Who Stole Alligators Shoe. I just discovered Nuts to Nightingale, though. It's awesome. It's about apartment living, and I'm thinking Jackal and Nightingale have a thing together, or had one. And that speech that Stork gives on law is hilarious.

The dinosaur game

 I used to have a video game about dinosaurs for MS DOS. The most memorable thing about it was how every dinosaur seemed to have tapeworms. You had to eat other dinosaurs or plants every couple seconds or you'd run out of health and die. I don't remember the title.

What game was that? Dynamath?

Sweet Pickles employment office

 Sweet Pickles is the only children's book I remember where the characters all have jobs.

Yakety Yak: Taxi driver.

Lion: Paramedic.

Quail: Possibly a paramedic.

Jealous Jackal: Gas station attendant

Enormous Elephant: Grocery store clerk

Smarty Stork: Postmaster and judge.

Clever Camel: Repairman

Responsible Rabbit: Banker, sailor.

Octopus: Sailor.

Accusing Alligator: Plumber, apartment manager

Healthy Hippo: Doctor

X-rating Xerus: Contest judge, might be an accountant, county assessor or legislator

Fearless Fish: Stunt driver and helicopter pilot

I know there are others. Please reply with more

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 588: When you clock in at work, it's yoga time. It doesn't matter that your job isn't yoga instructor. Just start doing it, for an hour or more.

Assignment 578: Why not urinate on a police car today?

Assignment 579: There's no law that says you can't intentionally wet your own bed.

Assignment 580: When you clock in at work, take that half hour drive back to your house, walk the dog and take out the trash. Do laundry. Then go back to the office and tell the boss you overslept. For bonus points, drive to Texas and give the same excuse.

Assignment 581: All lettuce should be square. Take a pair of scissors to all the leaves in your fridge, and all the heads in your grocery store. It's your decision what to do with the discards.

Assignment 582: Dress up in black like a concierge and and hang out around hotels.