UFO theory

"Hi, I am just a teenager, but I am very interested in UFOs, extra terrestrials, etc. My school friends and I are strong believers. I have seen a ufo or two, and i was not alone when i saw each one, so i have witnesses. Many people wonder what they are doing here, and i have a theory. I believe they (aliens) are here because they signed a contract with Bally Fitness, and because they didn't allow the aliens to cancel, and because it affects their credit, i believe they want to attack. i am scared, yet fascinated by the thought of hostile beings in the universe who also have rippling muscles and tight abs. My friends and i are such strong believers because we understand that their are billions upon trillions of galaxies in the universe, and that it just isn't logical to think that we are the only life (intelligent life) in all the universe that enjoys a good workout. please send me your thoughts and opinions of ufos!"
-Tom from Los Alamos