Close Encounters: A Case Against

Shocking new proof!

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Drunk out of my mind

Like I was saying, I woke up Sunday morning, and I was wearing a dress.
I was cold and wet, because I'd just been sprayed all over with some sort of alien Super Soaker.
With my head throbbing, I glared at the two Abreyas, yelling and cussing at them about how there was no good reason for waking me up that way.
Then they point to the clock. It was already part way into the start of my shift. I ask them what happened and they said there wasn't any time to explain.
I headed to the bathroom, but they said I didn't have time to shower or anything, they needed me on the phones.
I said I needed to use the toilet, but all they did was hand me the diaper thing. So I put it on and went to the phones.
Work was...interesting. Some of my customers complimented me on the dress. Others (mostly Dogos customers) said it wasn't professional and said I should be wearing a uniform. Other people didn't care, being too obsessed with their own problems.
The hours slowly crept by. When I came to her for help on a call, Minda complimented me on my outfit, which made me really embarrassed.
I had to deal with a registration issue with a Dogos customer, and answer a lot of questions about some bustier thing with a loincloth (for women), and then this one guy called about login problems. He said that his order was being shipped to the wrong planet, and he wanted it stopped before it went out because he no longer lives there. I told him I'd be happy to help him, but I couldn't verify his account information. He looked like he was lying, but he found some paper in his messy room and I had to help him.
Of course by that time, it was already halfway across the galaxy. There wasn't anything I could do. He started making all these demands and I kept telling him no. That call lasted to about the middle of my lunch time. I eventually managed a refund to shut him up. I eventually went into lunch, but only after I recorded some compliments (for a store location) and sent them to corporate.
I wanted to shower and change and everything, but I decided something more important had to be addressed.
I went down to the break room and found Minda at a table, grinning at me. I asked her what was so funny and she said I "looked cute." Whatever.
So I asked her what happened the previous night.
She said I got drunk and started dancing, and I gave them a fashion show. I asked her what else I did and she said that I kissed her, then I started blabbering about silly stuff and made everybody laugh. Then I started kissing her again. After that I fell asleep and they put me in my bed. I asked her if she were sure that's all I did and she just giggled.
That scared me. I became angry, angrier than I already was, and demanded she tell me what else I did. I told her I wanted my conscience to be clean before God and that I had a headache.
She sighed and told me we came close to doing something...wrong, and then I started preaching at her and I just ended up falling asleep on the couch and they had to carry me to bed.
I was horrified. I felt betrayed. I have always been afraid of getting drunk and doing something I regret. That's why I have never touched a drop before, even on my 21st birthday. And I'm 30. Unless you count communion wine, but obviously I wouldn't drink more than a sip of that. I felt disgusted at myself. Feeling sick to my stomach, I just took a quick shower, put on my proper uniform and went back to the phones.
Lesson for the day: Ask questions before you eat or drink or smoke anything indigenous. And ask the right questions.
When I went to ask Sigma for advice on a call, she said she was disappointed that I wasn't wearing the dress anymore. I ignored it and asked my question. After I got my answer, she asked me to "do that dance again." I told her I didn't know what she was talking about, so she does this goofy dance.
I just went back to the phone.
After my shift, I just recuperated from the...whatever the hell I drank. I had a bible study, exercised, and did the usual stuff to unwind. This did not include that juice, whatever it was called.

Uryanzor

Thursday, we had working toilets. I woke to find Wlodek sleeping on one of the bunks, and the machinery in the bathroom worked, of course. I still didn't have breaks, so I wore the usual outfit. I went down and had my breakfast.
The girls seemed to be in a much better mood and they talked to me. They told me I'd be speaking to that Wodov guy later that day so I said whatever and went on to the phones.
I had a pretty even mix of calls. I started out with Dogos calls, and then suddenly I was helping Abreyas with clothing orders.
I had to deal with a Uryanzor store complaint and several Uryanzor ordering system and login problems, in addition to the usual calls requesting a mechanic and Dogos account issues.
When I went to lunch, I found out that Wlodek was working on the showers and would have that done for us as well, which was excellent.
I sat with Minda and she told me about this Wodov guy I was going to talk to. She said he was a really nice guy, that he was well studied in the Quaceb faith and knew what he was talking about. She told me about how wise he was and how he ran her Reugen group and his credentials and what good things he did for the community. I was impressed and said it could definitely help to talk to him.
I finished up and went back to the phones. I soon got used to the new company and its customers and the flow of calls. Pre-order questions, account issues and some other things weren't that different from Bebe or Lacoste. The billing was hard to get used to, but other than that, the real difference was the clientele. These people seemed much more agreeable than the ones on earth. Of course, it could have been due to my status as a newbie, my strange looks, or it being an easy day. Not sure.
The end of my shift came, and the two Abreyas escorted me to the meeting room, where they set up a hologram device. They pushed some buttons and this old guy in a colorful dashiki thing appeared.
He stared at me, and I stared back. I guess their pelts turn gray when they get old, because his was near white. He looked very stern and serious.
I introduced myself and we got to talking. I told him my opinion on converting space aliens and everything, and said I wasn't sure what to think of the whole thing.
He told me he thought I was some kind of cult leader until he spoke to me. I just shrugged and explained my situation. We asked each other questions about our respective faiths, and then the guy says he wants to come see them at the station. Okay. I wasn't really sure how long that would take, but whatever.
I took some more calls. I had a weird, unfunny prank call, a call about clothing material, some guy confused on how we charged him for clothes (he didn't realize that we didn't need pending charges to process a payment) and some problem with misspelling. The good thing about this department was that you can't really get confused between companies when one guy complains about his spaceship and the other guy complains about his dress.
I guess that might change if they add another clothing store to my skill set, but whatever. I kept hoping the upcoming paycheck would make it worthwhile.
All through the latter part of my shift, I kept hearing banging sounds coming from somewhere. Once I got logged off the phones, I discovered that Wlodek had fixed the showers. I hurried through a workout and immediately used them. It was great.
When I got out and dried myself in one of their machines, I noticed my clothes were missing. At first, I thought they had drifted off, but then I heard laughing. I hid in a stall (thankfully they were opaque) and yelled for whoever it was to bring my clothes back. After I stood there naked for a few minutes, I saw Sigma's grinning face at the crack in the door. She handed me my old clothes (my jeans and t-shirt!) and said they'd been washed. At last! So I put them on. With the exception of my time on the phones, I would keep wearing them for the rest of the time I stayed there.
Anyways, after I got dressed, I told her not to play that kind of game with me, that a good Christian would respect a man's virtue and respect herself enough not to do that sort of thing. She responds by asking me if I thought it sinful to see a naked monkey in a zoo, or see a naked dog. I said no, and she said it was the same thing with me. I told her that her actions betrayed what she was saying, and she said mine did, too. I didn't know what to say next, so I just told her to never do that again.
I taught the two some more about the bible, and they taught me their book. I cleaned my teeth with that thing, then killed time the usual way until bedtime.

The conflict begins

As I was climbing my way to the workout room, Sigma stopped me and gave me this long lecture on how I was wrong to convert her friend. I told her she'd asked for it and I had no idea if it were the right thing to do. I just did it because she asked. She said that, because of me, Minda wasn't going to Chisda, her version of heaven. So I repeated the fact that I'd been asked to do that, and it really wasn't my decision. She argued that I taught her all that stuff and so it was supposedly my fault. I told her I believed people had something called a free will, and that it allows them to make wise decisions and poor decisions alike, and that I never once threatened her to do anything. So she sighed and went away, and I had my workout.
After that, I had a study session with Minda. We read through her holy text and read from the bible and talked about them both. She found some interesting prophecies in the Gaxea, stuff that could be construed to mean Jesus, but I pointed out that they could be interpreted to mean other people as well. She said nobody else really fit the bill, so I wasn't sure what to make of that.
Halfway through our study session, Sigma came in, looking angry. She told me to stop teaching "my myths" to Minda, and that she could fire me for creating a hostile work environment. I told her it's not my fault, Minda was just curious. So she asked to speak with me privately.
So Minda leaves the room and she tells me to convince Minda not to believe in Jesus, and that she'll really fire me if I keep this up. I told her that really sounded like religious discrimination, and said I couldn't do anything about it. I was a bit gleeful at turning the tables on her, but I tried to hide my emotions so that things wouldn't get worse. I told her firing me wouldn't change Minda's mind, but only reinforce her convictions, so she floated off in a fuming snort.
I went back to studying with Minda. She was so obsessed with her spiritual crisis that she didn't want to do anything but search for answers, so I didn't do anything but study with her until bedtime.
Up to now, I hadn't brushed my teeth or flossed at all, and it's been about two days. I asked Minda if she had anything like a toothbrush onboard, and she takes out this small device.
It looks like a crab. Some kind of robot or something. I watch her stick it in her mouth and it pokes and drills and sprays like a miniature dentist.
She takes another one out of storage and hands it to me.
When I tried the thing, it started stabbing my tongue so I had to pull it out. Minda quickly reprogrammed it and it worked fine after that. Better than a toothbrush any day.
I got into my "jogging pants" and went to sleep.

I don't think so.

Many UFO stories involve people describing the number of windows on the spaceship. How would they find the time to do this? How would they remember? Wouldn't they latch on to a more interesting detail instead? I mean, if they were an odd shape, or had decoration, or glowed or something, you'd think that would distract you from counting, wouldn't it? When I look at a hotrod dragster car, I don't count the number of pipes coming out of the engine. I stare at the cool paint job, the style of the car, etc. I might notice if it's a sedan or a coupe, but not as much the windows. I don't count the windows on a cruise liner, and those look weird.
Another paranormal story involves a "witness" noticing that her fingernails were growing at a different rate than she was used to. Who in their right mind monitors the rate their damn fingernails are growing? It would have to be pretty friggin' fast for me to notice!

Paranormal story

A few weeks ago, I went driving. I got lost, and went past a Dairy Queen. On the way back, I got stuck in traffic. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

"Sitings"

When the moderator at ufosoveramerica.com titles at header "Truckers Site Ufos", it does nothing to add credibility. Um, isn't that supposed to be "sight"?

Close encounters of the identified kind

S. Benson writes a story at http://www.qsl.net/w5www/stories2.html that sounds a lot like a case of nerves and scary identified objects.

"Sighting #1: It was the year 1999. I was homeschooled, so I could stay up late ( I am a night owl). One night, I turned off the t.v. at around 1:30 A.M. I went into my room, and started to make my bed. I felt a breeze, and turned around to shut the windows. There, in front of me, in the left window, was a face. The face was beastly, yet had a manly air about it. Hair, like a mane, surrounded it's pale brown face, and faded as it reached the face features. It had glowing yellow eyes that stared directly at me. It had a curved nose, like a dog's, and an open mouth. Black lips pulled back, revealing long, sharp. yellow-stained teeth. I could hear it's breath through the screen."

If it's a window and it's dark, that could be your scary face superimposed on an object outside. It could also be a raccoon or a possum. In the dark, a dog can look like the grim reaper. The noise could have been the wind, the animal breathing, or an object in the house that amplifies sounds, like the sound of your breath.
"I had frozen in fear, and didn't faint only with the wonder of what might happen to me if I did. I finally ran from the room, and spent a sleepless night in the guest bed. Since the first sighting, I kept all of my shades closed, and reclined from going in my room, but my mother would often open them to let light in."
Did your reclining position prevent you from going in the room?

"One night, I entered my room to see that the shades were open. I checked each one, and when I came to the third window, the window that I had previously seen the beast in, I saw it once more! It was just staring at me! This time, I gathered my courage, and decided to stay, and see what it would do. After a while, it just left!"

There could be a mirrored surface outside the window and you can't see it through the screen very well. If you live in a scrap yard, or a place that's filled with junk, perhaps a piece of reflective debris is stuck in front of your window. Or maybe your brother is playing a prank on you.

"The last sighting... hopefully. I had started to trust the room again, believing that there was no chance that I could see it again. I was laying on my bed one night, reading. I started to open the shades to let the cool air in. I came to the third window, and hesitated upon opening it. When I finally did, though, the face was there once again! I stepped back, and waited for it to do something. Once again, it just left! This all happened in a period of four months. I haven't seen it since."

The fact that it didn't do anything lends credence to it being one of the possibilities above, or something else equally mundane.

Huh?

A person posted a UFO story at qsl.net in which he said "I have pictures and if you would like me to email some of them perhaps you could let me know." The thing is, there's no e-mail listed. Clearly, it's a conspiracy!