Unknown book

 I don't know what joke book I was reading, but I came across a line about fancy restaurant menus, and it described one of the meals as "Broached strumpet in harrow sauce." I don't know what book that was. Any ideas?

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 582: When working landscaping at an apartment complex, aim to do your noisiest mowing and weed trimming next to windows of people who work from home.

Assignment 583: Make a new line of fragrances that smell like a sewage treatment facility and burning tires.

Assignment 584: Check with the county assessor's office and records department to ensure all your office buildings and houses get built on Indian burial grounds and places with a horrible bloody past.

Assignment 573: Produce a small daily newspaper that delivers only to crypts, cemeteries, the back end of bus stations, storm sewers and the water heater rooms of apartment buildings. Keep the material fresh and new every day to catch the eye of your thousands of readers.

Assignment 574: Everybody is tired of The Daily Growl. Be the first to make a rubber newspaper chew toy for dogs with actual photographs and informative articles pertaining to dogs and things important to their lifestyle. Come out with new editions daily.

Assignment 575: Make recordings of the neighbor's dog whining and carrying on, then sneak up beside their house at four in the morning and play it on a loudspeaker while the owner is trying to sleep.

Assignment 576: You can easily fix those pesky scratches on CDs and DVDs with mayonnaise, whipped cream, bacon fat and peanut butter and jelly. Try them independently or all at once. Don't be fancy and wipe them off, just plug them in the machine like that. It'll make them run like new.

Commenting on art

 There is nothing more disappointing than having someone who doesn't like your artwork coming in and fact checking you in a comment. 

Nuts to nightingale

 My top favorite Sweet Pickles books have been Goose Goofs off, The Great Race, Fixed by Camel, Lion is Down in the Dumps, and Who Stole Alligators Shoe. I just discovered Nuts to Nightingale, though. It's awesome. It's about apartment living, and I'm thinking Jackal and Nightingale have a thing together, or had one. And that speech that Stork gives on law is hilarious.

The dinosaur game

 I used to have a video game about dinosaurs for MS DOS. The most memorable thing about it was how every dinosaur seemed to have tapeworms. You had to eat other dinosaurs or plants every couple seconds or you'd run out of health and die. I don't remember the title.

What game was that? Dynamath?

Sweet Pickles employment office

 Sweet Pickles is the only children's book I remember where the characters all have jobs.

Yakety Yak: Taxi driver.

Lion: Paramedic.

Quail: Possibly a paramedic.

Jealous Jackal: Gas station attendant

Enormous Elephant: Grocery store clerk

Smarty Stork: Postmaster and judge.

Clever Camel: Repairman

Responsible Rabbit: Banker, sailor.

Octopus: Sailor.

Accusing Alligator: Plumber, apartment manager

Healthy Hippo: Doctor

X-rating Xerus: Contest judge, might be an accountant, county assessor or legislator

Fearless Fish: Stunt driver and helicopter pilot

I know there are others. Please reply with more

Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 588: When you clock in at work, it's yoga time. It doesn't matter that your job isn't yoga instructor. Just start doing it, for an hour or more.

Assignment 578: Why not urinate on a police car today?

Assignment 579: There's no law that says you can't intentionally wet your own bed.

Assignment 580: When you clock in at work, take that half hour drive back to your house, walk the dog and take out the trash. Do laundry. Then go back to the office and tell the boss you overslept. For bonus points, drive to Texas and give the same excuse.

Assignment 581: All lettuce should be square. Take a pair of scissors to all the leaves in your fridge, and all the heads in your grocery store. It's your decision what to do with the discards.

Assignment 582: Dress up in black like a concierge and and hang out around hotels.