Even more crazy assignments

 Assignment 380: Whenever you see a pair of people of any sex hanging out together a lot, insist on describing the two as "an item."

Assignment 381: Expect more from movie and TV stars. If they play a doctor on TV, come to them with the flu, Val Kilmer before the fire department. After a burglary, call the cast of CSI, and inform Bill Murray about your haunted house.

Assignment 382: Blow a vuvuzala during a symphony performance.

Assignment 375: Give your baby the noble name of "Pulled pork".

Assignment 367: From now on, always refer to genitalia as your "f***ing apparatus."

Assignment 368: Make every effort to put your face on the cover of Auto Trader. Joe Dirt can do it, why can't you?

Assignment 369: Create a motorcycle for toddlers that has a highway speed of 80 MPH.

Assignment 370: Open a restaurant called "pampers" and serve the hamburgers and fries wrapped in diapers. After all, that overpowering floral scent will make everyone hungry. Bonus if the diapers are used.

Assignment 371: While giving a sermon at church, pantomime a play by play of the football game going on at the same time, but never verbalize it. Keep going with the Sermon on the Mount, pretending your nonverbal tics are not spelling out Pittsburgh 2 Green Bay 4. If necessary, use a radio earpiece.

Assignment 364: Eliminate the phrase "you too" from your vocabulary. Replace with "YouTube."

Assignment 365: Make a collections company that only calls people on their birthdays.

Assignment 366: Send random strangers handmade "billing statements" written in crayola crayons and multicolored pencils. Call it "the happy card" and make all the math, business transactions and account numbers seem genuine.

Assignment 367: Build a giant castle out of Fern Gulley and Avatar videos, DVDs and soundtracks.