Reconnecting

 As I work on editing books of my grandpa's letters from 1944-1945, the radio kept playing New Day by Danny Gokey. That song has a lyric about not living in the past. Very ironic.

But I realize it's more than just my grandpa's letters. I've too often tried to connect with people from my past, in hopes that I'll find love.

It never works out. Every time I try to connect with someone like that, our friendship always turns out to be crappy, and I regret meeting up with them. 

There's a reason why they stay in the past, and why more people don't reach out to me. If they didn't give me the time of day back then, and didn't speak to me for ten years, it's likely the stupid jerk was never my friend, and will never be my friend.

I do not reconnect with people. I mess up old friendships, misinterpret old friendships, and incorrectly assume that they think more of me than they actually do.

Those people in church camp AND high school that were cold and emotionally distant and phony to me back then are still empty to me today. That's their natural state, and time hasn't changed how they won't give me the time of day.

What's important is finding friends now, where I am now. Because those old people who forgot about me a long time ago do not care about me.

 Sometimes buried in the past is better.