1. You can't drive over those plastic orange pole thingies on the freeway because the rubber puck that stands it up can get stuck in your wheel well and cause a wreck.
2. When you slam on your brakes in the icy snow, your car becomes an unstoppable sled.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Eleven things they don't often tell you in the job world
1. You don't submit a resume to work in graphic design. Even submitting a portfolio and a clever advertising gimmick won't help. You need experience. And if you've never had a graphic design job, you're screwed unless you go into business for yourself.
2. Unemployment Insurance people say you must apply to three jobs a day. That's not really enough. You're not going to get anywhere unless you do dozens.
3. Jobs in Digital Prepress are hard to come by because one guy can run all the operations. You may have to drive to a different city miles away to actually find work in the field.
4. If you're looking for work in Kansas City, apply on the Kansas side. There's very little in the way of good jobs on the Missouri part.
5. Your photograph does not belong on a resume unless it's a photography job. And if it's a photography job, best refer to point 1 and substitute `photography' for `graphic design.'
6. When you quit or are fired, the boss will always walk you out and make you shred all company documents. You can't just hang around the building.
7. In collections, the moment they say something customer service related, send them to a different department. Just make sure you cover their finance issues, and you're good. Doing someone else's job will ruin your stats.
8. Since customers mainly call about the same things every day (same types of scenarios, same types of promises, etc.), you can copy-paste the same memos and just change out the names, dollar amounts and other important information. For example, in February, you will get dozens of promises about sending payments "when I get my tax return." Why type it over and over again?
If the management requires a set formula for customer memos, save your list in that format and change the details to suit each case. As long as you've got all your T's crossed and I's dotted, no one will care. Even if you document that you spoke to a he when it really was a she. It's not like the customer can see these things without a court order anyway.
9. If the boss of the company gives you strange instructions like "Don't e-mail me, wait for me to contact you," it could be because there is something suspicious going on. I heard of one circumstance where this happened, and the position offered was only available because his family member was having an affair with the owner's mother.
10. Convergys is notorious for having lofty unattainable standards they fire you for not meeting.
11. If you go to a job interview in a polo and slacks to an entry level position, they will still hire you.
2. Unemployment Insurance people say you must apply to three jobs a day. That's not really enough. You're not going to get anywhere unless you do dozens.
3. Jobs in Digital Prepress are hard to come by because one guy can run all the operations. You may have to drive to a different city miles away to actually find work in the field.
4. If you're looking for work in Kansas City, apply on the Kansas side. There's very little in the way of good jobs on the Missouri part.
5. Your photograph does not belong on a resume unless it's a photography job. And if it's a photography job, best refer to point 1 and substitute `photography' for `graphic design.'
6. When you quit or are fired, the boss will always walk you out and make you shred all company documents. You can't just hang around the building.
7. In collections, the moment they say something customer service related, send them to a different department. Just make sure you cover their finance issues, and you're good. Doing someone else's job will ruin your stats.
8. Since customers mainly call about the same things every day (same types of scenarios, same types of promises, etc.), you can copy-paste the same memos and just change out the names, dollar amounts and other important information. For example, in February, you will get dozens of promises about sending payments "when I get my tax return." Why type it over and over again?
If the management requires a set formula for customer memos, save your list in that format and change the details to suit each case. As long as you've got all your T's crossed and I's dotted, no one will care. Even if you document that you spoke to a he when it really was a she. It's not like the customer can see these things without a court order anyway.
9. If the boss of the company gives you strange instructions like "Don't e-mail me, wait for me to contact you," it could be because there is something suspicious going on. I heard of one circumstance where this happened, and the position offered was only available because his family member was having an affair with the owner's mother.
10. Convergys is notorious for having lofty unattainable standards they fire you for not meeting.
11. If you go to a job interview in a polo and slacks to an entry level position, they will still hire you.
Things they don't tell you in strategy books
In regards to The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time for Nintendo 64:
This information probably has been covered somewhere before, but the following things I have learned about the game only after a lot of cussing and fighting with the console.
1. You must have the Hookshot and sword drawn before you can actually use them in battle. It's not easy like other games where you can just tap a button and hit something. No. You have to tap a button to have him pull the sword out. This will become an agonizing revelation when you try to kill a mussel or kill Gannondorf. Or play Gannondorf's stupid lightning baseball game.
2. The jump slash attack is crucial to defeating the thief lady in the thieves' village, and will be used a lot in other places, too. It's not an optional combat move. You literally can't progress to the end of the game without performing the right button combination.
3. You can use either sword to deflect Gannondorf's balls of electricity. The sword type won't matter until he transforms.
4. You need to use the Hookshot on Gannondorf to hit him, and you need to get away when he flies up, as fast as you can.
5. Hover boots must be equipped for the Gannondorf battle. And you should never go downstairs to get the pots because he'll just kick your ass when you climb back up that giant obelisk.
6. If you aim for the big black ball you see during the battle, it won't harm him at all, and he'll hurt you a lot. Hit him instead.
7. Take the Hookshot and fire only when he lands on the platform. In the air, he's invulnerable.
8. When you run out of arrows on his second transformation, roll a lot and slash the tail.
9. When you pick up the Hyrule sword, roll between his legs, slash, and keep rolling. Have fairy portions ready.
10. That timer you see in the lava area isn't for you to race to a goal. You need a red tunic.
11. The red tunic doesn't automatically get warn when you get it. Unlike other games. If you see a timer, it doesn't mean the tunic got ruined by the heat. It just means you're not wearing it.
12. If you are confused, check with the sun.
13. Carry a compass to help you along.
This information probably has been covered somewhere before, but the following things I have learned about the game only after a lot of cussing and fighting with the console.
1. You must have the Hookshot and sword drawn before you can actually use them in battle. It's not easy like other games where you can just tap a button and hit something. No. You have to tap a button to have him pull the sword out. This will become an agonizing revelation when you try to kill a mussel or kill Gannondorf. Or play Gannondorf's stupid lightning baseball game.
2. The jump slash attack is crucial to defeating the thief lady in the thieves' village, and will be used a lot in other places, too. It's not an optional combat move. You literally can't progress to the end of the game without performing the right button combination.
3. You can use either sword to deflect Gannondorf's balls of electricity. The sword type won't matter until he transforms.
4. You need to use the Hookshot on Gannondorf to hit him, and you need to get away when he flies up, as fast as you can.
5. Hover boots must be equipped for the Gannondorf battle. And you should never go downstairs to get the pots because he'll just kick your ass when you climb back up that giant obelisk.
6. If you aim for the big black ball you see during the battle, it won't harm him at all, and he'll hurt you a lot. Hit him instead.
7. Take the Hookshot and fire only when he lands on the platform. In the air, he's invulnerable.
8. When you run out of arrows on his second transformation, roll a lot and slash the tail.
9. When you pick up the Hyrule sword, roll between his legs, slash, and keep rolling. Have fairy portions ready.
10. That timer you see in the lava area isn't for you to race to a goal. You need a red tunic.
11. The red tunic doesn't automatically get warn when you get it. Unlike other games. If you see a timer, it doesn't mean the tunic got ruined by the heat. It just means you're not wearing it.
12. If you are confused, check with the sun.
13. Carry a compass to help you along.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Making a comic book in Apache Openoffice, Part 2
Even if you've made a beautiful comic book with Openoffice and think you don't need to mess with anymore, shit happens.
And when you're using Openoffice, shit generally is what happens.
Say, for example, you want to change one of your pictures, and suddenly discover that you left out an entire two panels and need to put them in before someone notices. You can't just push delete and stick it back in. Not if you've locked each and every one of those damned images to the page beforehand. Why on earth would you ever lock the images to the page? The explanation about that is in my previous post about this subject.
Here's the fat and the skinny: If your missing page is early in the book, you have to delete two panels to make room for the missing page. That means you have to go "file insert" with that page and every single page that follows, which is incredibly tedious and annoying.
If you go in the reverse, it's just as bad. When you work from the bottom, even though you have the advantage of moving everything down without going into "file insert", you'll have text from the next ten pages creeping behind your images every damn time. Translation: My blurb for buying more comics got smashed up between two comic panels, and the to be continued line went up behind other comics when the damn comic wasn't even at the ending yet.
Position locking:
It's always nice to position an image perfectly on a page then have it shoved off register arbitrarily by a self righteous program just because you change it from lock to "paragraph" to "lock to page."
Autosave:
You have two options when dealing with the autosave function. You can either leave it the way it is, and endure it randomly saving every minute, and wait ten minutes to be able to touch the controls, or disable it, and lose all your work if the program becomes unstable (which is more often than you think, especially if you don't save every minute).
It probably crashes just to spite you whenever you disable autosave, more than likely as a program feature.
And when you're using Openoffice, shit generally is what happens.
Say, for example, you want to change one of your pictures, and suddenly discover that you left out an entire two panels and need to put them in before someone notices. You can't just push delete and stick it back in. Not if you've locked each and every one of those damned images to the page beforehand. Why on earth would you ever lock the images to the page? The explanation about that is in my previous post about this subject.
Here's the fat and the skinny: If your missing page is early in the book, you have to delete two panels to make room for the missing page. That means you have to go "file insert" with that page and every single page that follows, which is incredibly tedious and annoying.
If you go in the reverse, it's just as bad. When you work from the bottom, even though you have the advantage of moving everything down without going into "file insert", you'll have text from the next ten pages creeping behind your images every damn time. Translation: My blurb for buying more comics got smashed up between two comic panels, and the to be continued line went up behind other comics when the damn comic wasn't even at the ending yet.
Position locking:
It's always nice to position an image perfectly on a page then have it shoved off register arbitrarily by a self righteous program just because you change it from lock to "paragraph" to "lock to page."
Autosave:
You have two options when dealing with the autosave function. You can either leave it the way it is, and endure it randomly saving every minute, and wait ten minutes to be able to touch the controls, or disable it, and lose all your work if the program becomes unstable (which is more often than you think, especially if you don't save every minute).
It probably crashes just to spite you whenever you disable autosave, more than likely as a program feature.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tips for illustrated books and comics in Apache Openoffice
Apache Openoffice was not designed for any useful purpose. If you know what's good for you, you should only use it to do word processing.
I don't know what's good for me, so I keep punishing myself and learning more frustrating things about the program:
1. Your formatting does not port to other computers that have Openoffice. I tried. Any formatting I put in there was lost when I opened it on the other computer. What looks perfect on my XP computer comes out complete garbage on my Windows 7 computer, even though it's been reformatted to run as XP.
2. Do not ever put an illustration in the page number box! Openoffice is so retarded that it will paste the same damn image file on every page in your book. It will make you think the program is broken and you will have to restart to fix the problem. Make sure the cursor is on the middle of a page before pasting!
A big hint is the fact that when you double click the .jpg, it doesn't give you anchor positioning data. It's all grayed out. Oh. Wait. If you've already pasted it in the box for the numbering, it's too late for that information to be of any use. You've got forty seven hundred copies of the same picture.
Yeah. Sure. Like I'd be stupid enough to put that many pictures in such a feeble excuse for a layout program.
3. Save often. Find a good book to read while it's saving, which happens every couple minutes, even if you don't want it to. I learned this the hard way. Nothing is worse than making mistake #2 and not doing #3 before closing it out. It takes forever to save anything, so you'll want a good book to read.
I guess there's some setting you can use for preventing it from saving, but I think you have to give it a time limit, so you can't make it stop autosaving cold turkey, it has to be told, "no, wait fifteen minutes", and I think that's as far as you can set it. It's probably for the best, because of all the times it can @%&# up, but on the other hand, if you @$#& up, there is no forgiveness, you will be stuck with your mistake forever.
(More Under Cut)
I don't know what's good for me, so I keep punishing myself and learning more frustrating things about the program:
1. Your formatting does not port to other computers that have Openoffice. I tried. Any formatting I put in there was lost when I opened it on the other computer. What looks perfect on my XP computer comes out complete garbage on my Windows 7 computer, even though it's been reformatted to run as XP.
2. Do not ever put an illustration in the page number box! Openoffice is so retarded that it will paste the same damn image file on every page in your book. It will make you think the program is broken and you will have to restart to fix the problem. Make sure the cursor is on the middle of a page before pasting!
A big hint is the fact that when you double click the .jpg, it doesn't give you anchor positioning data. It's all grayed out. Oh. Wait. If you've already pasted it in the box for the numbering, it's too late for that information to be of any use. You've got forty seven hundred copies of the same picture.
Yeah. Sure. Like I'd be stupid enough to put that many pictures in such a feeble excuse for a layout program.
3. Save often. Find a good book to read while it's saving, which happens every couple minutes, even if you don't want it to. I learned this the hard way. Nothing is worse than making mistake #2 and not doing #3 before closing it out. It takes forever to save anything, so you'll want a good book to read.
I guess there's some setting you can use for preventing it from saving, but I think you have to give it a time limit, so you can't make it stop autosaving cold turkey, it has to be told, "no, wait fifteen minutes", and I think that's as far as you can set it. It's probably for the best, because of all the times it can @%&# up, but on the other hand, if you @$#& up, there is no forgiveness, you will be stuck with your mistake forever.
(More Under Cut)
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