Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Wisdom and Warriors Prompt Booklet

For people who've seen my VBS booklet/board game on Facebook or https://www.furiffic.com/Akktri/gallery/?sort=uploaded:desc&folder=21074, this is the text for the prompt book.  I figure you might have difficulty reading the small print on the pictures I posted, so you can read it here.  If you have any questions, please reply to the post or reply at my Facebook page.

Wisdom and Warriors Prompt Booklet

Home:  An army of evil ogre-like Huruts attack your village.  As you flee to the edge of town, an old possum leads you to a secret cave, showing you a hidden cache of weapons and armor.  "Gifts from the wise one, Cordero, for heroes such as yourselves.  Equip yourself with them and rid these lands of Vokon and his evil Hurut army."  You gain: Helmet, 5 Breastplate, 5 Shield, Belt, Shoes, 5 Gold, 2 Provision.

1.  You enter a swamp.  A depressing heaviness hangs in the air.
Nun (1):  Octopus tentacles drag you into the bog.  Go back to Home.
Hey (2):  An alligator comes out of the water, stealing your coins.  You retrieve all but one.  Lose 1 Gold.
Shin (3):  You get lost in the cypress trees.  Return to Home.
Gimel (4):  Bubbles of swamp gas explode around you, and you lose your bearings.  Lose 1 turn.

2.  You have entered a secret treasure vault.
Nun (1):  You step on a floor tile that activates a trap of deadly darts.  You survive, but have to tend your wounds.  Lose 1 turn.
Hey (2):  You find a treasure chest, opening it with your magic key.  Add 1 Gold to your money pouch.
Shin (3):  The floor is crumbling, you step on a loose stone and fall into a bottomless pit.  Go back to Home.
Gimel (4):  This square is not on the board.  Cheaters never prosper.

3.  You enter a picturesque farmland.  Your party pauses to rest and make a campfire.  Lose 1 Provision.
Nun (1):  Thieving gnomes invade your camp.  Lose 1 Gold.
Hey (2):  You find a scaly bird monster with a saddle.  If your character has wings, it leads you through a dark maze-like forest with its glowing tail.  Otherwise, you saddle it, and it gives you a quick ride before a tree branch hits you and it runs off.  Skip ahead 3 squares.
Shin (3):  Adventuring is hungry work.  Lose 1 more Provision. 
Gimel (4):  A snake bites you, and you must be carried to the village healer.  Return to Home. 

4.  You enter a sewer beneath a ruined castle.
Nun (1):  You get lost in the tunnels.  Go back one square.
Hey (2):  Turtles in suits of armor attack you.  Go back two squares.
Shin (3):  A rat in a robe tells you to stop reading.
Gimel (4):  You find a casino and gable away everything.  Lose all your money and return penniless to Home.

5.  You're in an underground tunnel beneath a pancake house.
Nun (1):  "Grond!"
Hey (2):  Stop reading, please.
Shin (3):  Seriously, stop reading.
Gimel (4):  "Come in, come in!"  says Grandmother Beaver.  "I've just brewed a nice pot of tea.  Would you like scones or crumpets?"

6.  You travel up a steep grade into the mountains.
Nun (1):  A peaceful tribe of goats in robes help you through a narrow pass.  Move ahead 1 square.
Hey (2):  You hide in a cave to avoid a dragon, but the dragon causes a cave-in.  Lose 1 turn while you try to find your way out.
Shin (3):  An avalanche rumbles down from the cliffs, sending you rolling and tumbling down snowy embankments.  Move back 1 square.
Gimel (4):  Your pack gets dislodged by climbing (or flying) along the cliffs.  Lose 1 Provision.

7.  You enter a thickly forested area.  Something moves in the foliage.

8.  At the top of a mountain, you discover the home of a sheep in a plain brown robe.  He introduces himself as Cordero The Wise.  He restores and improves your armor and weapons.  Add 1 to Breastplate and 1 to Shield.  Remove the X from all armor on your sheet.  If you spun dreidel and landed directly on this square, gain 1 extra Provision.  Read Matt 6:33.
Nun (1):  You find Cordero's training program extremely difficult.  Lose 1 turn.
Hey (2):  Cordero forges part of your armor from your gold.  Lose all your coins.  Read Matthew 6:19, Luke 18:18-30
Shin (3):  Cordero sends you to get water, but get lost along the way.  Move back 1 square.
Gimel (4):  Cordero considers you trained enough, sending you on your way.  Move ahead 1 square.

9.  You enter a dark spooky forest.
Nun (1):  A giant spider cocoons you and drags you into its web.  You escape, but your Breastplate is damaged.  Lose 1 turn and subtract 2 from Breastplate.
Hey (2):  You get lost and fall down a dark hole.  Lose 1 turn and your shield.
Shin (3):  You get chased by monsters and turned around.  Go back 1 square.
Gimel (4):  You stop and make camp in a clearing.  Lose 1 Provision.

10.  Cordero sends you into the desert with a map leading to the castle of Wing, where his friends live.  The sands are very hot and scattered with animal bones. 
Nun (1):  A small, cuddly white bunny notices you wandering and offers to show you a shortcut.  You follow it and it leads you  to an encampment of horrible monsters.  After a fierce battle, you get defeated, you lose all Weapons and Armor, but you escape with your life.  Go back to Cordero's Healing Hut (Square 30) to regain Armor and Weapons.
Hey (2):  You stop for water at an oasis, but it turns out to be a mirage.  Your Shield is damaged by a sandstorm (-2 Shield).  Lose 1 Provision.
Shin (3):  A traveling caravan stops by and tells you you've been reading the map wrong, despite how it has a magical pointer on it telling you where to go next.  They're very convincing, and they tamper with the pointer.  You fall into a trap, your Armor and Weaponry get stolen, and you get locked in a prison.  Fortunately, though, one of Cordero's friends, Hazel Feathersworth, comes to your rescue.  You escape the prison, but your Armor is damaged (-2 Shield, -2 Breastplate)
Gimel (4):  You refresh yourself at an oasis.  Gain 1 Provision.

11.  You travel further into the desert, and following the map, you enter a maze-like pyramid, which connects to an underground passage through a mountain.
Nun (1):  As you voyage down a passageway, a voice challenges, "If you're such a great warrior, take your sword and hack your way through these walls to the mountain tunnel."  You actually do manage to knock down a wall, but fall into a bottomless pit.  Although you lose all your armor in the fall, your sword starts glowing, and you somehow end up back at Cordero's place in the mountains.  Move back to Square 30.
Hey (2):  You get attacked by mummies.  Lose 2 Shield.
Shin (3):  Up ahead lay a corridor filled with fire traps.  The map says to take a long route around it, but a voice tells you that your armor can handle the heat.  As tempting as the idea is, you tell the voice, "I don't take advice from ghosts."  Move ahead 1 square.
Gimel (4):  Part of a tunnel collapses.  You make it through, but your armor gets damaged.  Lose 3 Shield.

12.  You pass through a cathedral-like cavern.  Bats scatter and fly around you, to the point where you momentarily get lost, but you find your way back to the trail.

13.  You enter a dingy, insect infested swamp.
Nun (1):  You slip into a sinkhole and struggle to get out.  Lose 1 turn.
Hey (2):  You are chased by bog goblins but escape them.  Move ahead 1.
Shin (3):  You find an old spooky house and camp there overnight.  Lose 1 Provision.
Gimel (4):  You get sick from the mosquitoes.  Lose 1 turn recovering.

14.  While traveling through the forest, a creature hidden in the brush throws sticks and rocks at you.  It hurts, but you escape unscathed.

15.  You leave the cavern, arriving at the Castle City of Wing, traveling through a market to the city gates.  You don't find Cordero's friend.  Instead, the captain of the guard sees you and immediately has you thrown into a dungeon.
Nun (1):  You find a secret trapdoor in your cell that takes you out behind the Contraband Storehouse.  You escape into the catacombs with all your possessions.  Along the way, you discover feathers and tattered bits of a robe.  Cordero's friend has been here!  Move ahead 1 extra square.
Hey (2):  After being held for a day, the captain admits he made a mistake, releasing you.  Lose 1 turn.  Cordero's friend Hasshub, who  has been helpful in your release, shows you a secret passage into the catacombs.
Shin (3):  The prison is hit by an earthquake.  You escape, collect your weapons and armor.  Everything is in good shape, but you use the shield to block a falling chunk of ceiling.  Lose 1 Shield.  Cordero's friend Hasshub, a fellow prisoner, shows you a hidden tunnel that leads out. 
Gimel (4):  Cordero gave instructions on what to do in this situation.  Before being captured, you swallowed your magic sword, which you take out in your prison cell and use to chop through the bars.  Move ahead 1 square.

16.  You enter a cavern with a low ceiling covered in popcorn formations.  Sound travels strangely in here, making you wonder if you're near the end of the tunnel system.

17.  You cross a valley beneath an active volcano.
Nun (1):  The volcano erupts, but you block the falling debris with your Shield.  Lose 2 Shield.
Hey (2):  You get lost, coughing, in a cloud of volcanic steam.  Move back 1 square.
Shin (3):  Volcanic ash showers down around you.  Your armor protects you, but it's hot.  Lose 1 Provision.
Gimel (4):  The way is treacherous, but you make it through a narrow pass between volcanic beds.  Move ahead 1.

18.  You find Cordero camping out in a nearby cavern.  He restores your armor points and gives you 2 Provision for your journey.  If you landed directly on this square, Cordero presents you with Magic Shoes.  Put a cross on the feet of your character sheet.  The shoes make you immune to losing a turn or being sent back a square on your next penalty.  After the penalty, however, you will lose the shoes. 
Nun (1):  Cordero thinks you still need training.  Lose 1 turn while you practice.
Hey (2):  Cordero tells me you need knowledge under your belt.  Lose 1 turn while you study scrolls.
Shin (3):  Your armor needs extra reinforcing.  Your Gold is used to patch it up.  Lose 1 Gold for repairs.
Gimel (4):  The smell of delicious food wafts from somewhere outside of camp.  You follow it into a Hurut trap.  You escape with your life, but you end up getting lost.  Move back 1 square.

19.  !If anyone has rolled Gimel (4) on this square during the current game, subtract 2 Shield and do not roll for instructions!
You arrive at The Roost, a small village of huts in the treetops.  Your visit is celebrated with music and dance and feasting.  If you landed directly on this square, an owl presents you with Magic Shoes, a gift from Cordero.  Put a cross on the feet of your character sheet.  The shoes make you immune to losing a turn or being sent back a square on your next penalty.  After the penalty, however, you will lose the shoes. 
During the festivities, an army of horrible Huruts surround the village and set the place on fire with flaming arrows.
Nun (1):  You fight the Huruts off and stop the fire, but it takes time to rebuild.  Lose 1 turn.
Hey (2):  Although the Huruts plot to set the roost on fire, you catch them plotting and stop their nefarious act.  However, they fight you, and the battle is intense.  Lose 2 Breastplate and 2 Shield.
Shin (3):  A fierce hailstorm blows through the forest, putting out the Huruts' torches and driving them back with big falling chunks of ice.  Inhabitants of the Roost celebrate.  You gain 2 Provision.
Gimel (4):  The Huruts burn the Roost to the ground.  Everyone escapes safely, but you lose 2 Breastplate and 2 Shield.  Anyone passing the roost after this sees only blackened trees, loses 2 Shield, and does not roll for instructions.

20.  At last you arrive at the forbidding bridge to Vokon's Castle, surrounded by a deep chasm.
Count up the amount of spaces you would have moved if you had been allowed to continue.  Read the prompt matching the number.
0:  Hiding behind a boulder, you set up temporary camp on the cliffs opposite the castle, but you uncover a secret passageway into the castle.  Lose 1 Provision as you move to Square 28.
1:  The drawbridge closes as you approach, and you have to sneak in through the sewer.  Lose 2 Breastplate, but move ahead to Square 27.
2:  As you cross the drawbridge, a group of Huruts attack you.  You fight valiantly, but fall off the bridge.  Fortunately, you catch hold of a rock wall on the way down and return to the surface, but your armor gets dented.  Lose 2 Shield.
3:  Security is light at the gate.  After vanquishing two guards with your sword, a portcullis comes down behind you, and before you, so that you end up trapped in a corridor.  A friend outside releases a lever, allowing you to escape.  Lose 1 turn, but move to Square 28.
4:  You fight your way across the drawbridge, but get ambushed by Huruts once you get inside the gate.  They drag you to The Slime Pit (Square 29), but you fight your way before they can shackle you to the wall.

21.  You've entered a banquet hall.  Elaborate tapestries hang on the walls.  A long table stretches out in the center.  A beautiful princess approaches, using her magic to create plates brimming with delicious food.  "Please.  Sit down and dine with me."
Nun (1):  You take a seat, but you suddenly discover the food is rotten.  Your drink spills and damages your Breastplate.  She throws a magic fireball at you.  You escape, but lose 2 Breastplate and 1 Shield.
Hey (2):  You refuse, and the princess turns into a horrible monster.  You press your sword against her forehead and she turns into dust.
Shin (3):  You sit down and eat.  The food tastes okay, but it's laced with sleeping potion.  As your eyelids close, a group of Huruts grab you and drag you out of the castle.  Lose 2 Breastplate and move back to Square 20.
Gimel (4):  "No thanks," you say, stepping around her.  You discover she is a Hurut.  She makes skeletons arise from seats at the table and fight you, but you destroy them.  Move ahead 1 square.

22.  You stand in a stone corridor.  Before you lies a locked gate, flanked by two giant ogre statues.
Nun (1):  The statues come to life and attack you.  If you have no Key, lose 2 Shield and flee to either Square 21 or Square 23 and roll for instructions.  If you have the key, the statues stop attacking.  Lose 1 Shield and move to Square 25.
Hey (2):  Armies of Huruts come charging down from both hallways.  You hide in a barrel and wait for them to pass.  Lose 1 turn.
Shin (3):  You fight a mob of Huruts.  They outnumber you.  If you have no Key, flee to either Square 21 or Square 23.  If you have the Key, flee to Square 25.
Gimel (4):  The hallway is quiet.  You hear sinister laughter.

23.  You enter a prison block.  The accommodations look very unpleasant:  Rough beds with straw pillows, hole in the floor for a toilet.  Skeletons suggest that the prison wardens have been off duty for a long time.

24.  You enter a hall of mirrors.  At one end you see a glowing key.
If you didn't have to move to reach this square, spin for instructions, then, because you had to fight off a gang of Huruts, lose 2 Shield.
Nun (1):  You get lost in the maze.  Lose 1 turn, but draw a Key on your character sheet.
Hey (2):  After wandering around the mirrors for a few minutes, but the moment you step close to the exit, you discover you're only holding dirt magically disguised as a key.  Lose 1 turn.
Shin (3):  When you grab the Key, a trapdoor opens beneath your feet, and you land in a sewer outside the castle.  Go back to Square 20, but spin dreidel again.  If you spin Nun (1) or Shin (3), you lose 2 Breastplate, but keep the Key.  Draw a key on your character sheet.  If you spin Hey (2) or Gimel (4), lose 2 Breastplate.  You do not get a Key.
Gimel (4):  You see through the mirror illusions and take the Key.  Move to Square 21 with your prize.  Draw a key on your character sheet.

25.  First player that lands on this square reads instructions, regardless of whether it's their turn. 
You enter Vokon's Throne Room.  Eerie statues, grotesque tapestries of violent wars, and strangely carved marble pillars fill the shadowy place.  Upon seeing you, Vokon rises from his throne, shooting fiery arrows at you with his magic staff. 
If your Shield is not at 0, the arrows reflect back on him, and you destroy him with your sword.  If you have 0 Shield, the player closest to you rushes in to help. 
The battle is difficult.  Many statues get destroyed, the palace catches fire, but you are victorious, thanks to the weaponry and training Cordero provided you.
After Vokon's defeat, the land is once again at peace, and you return home for a well deserved celebration.

26.  You enter a barracks.  A Hurut sits by himself behind a desk near the entrance.  You notice a key ring dangling from his belt.
Nun (1):  The Hurut sleeps.  You sneak behind him and take his Key.  Unfortunately for you, he wakes up and calls his allies to fight you.  You escape with the Key, but have a brutal fight.  Lose 2 Shield and 2 Breastplate.  Draw a key on your character sheet.
Hey (2):  The Hurut sees you, but doesn't sound the alarm.  Instead he asks you for a bribe in exchange for the Key.  Lose 1 Gold and 1 Provision, but draw a Key on your character sheet.  If you have no Gold or Provision,  he sounds the alarm and you get dragged to Square 20.
Shin (3):  The Hurut challenges you to a game of riddles for his Key.  Spin dreidel.  If you spin Nun (1) or Shin (3), you lose, and walk defeated to Square 20.  If Hey (2) or Gimel (4), you receive the Key.  Draw a key on your character sheet.
Gimel (4):  The Hurut jumps up from the table and attacks you with his axe.  You defeat him in battle.  In exchange for sparing his life, you get his Key.  Lose 1 Shield, but gain the Key.  Draw Key on character sheet.

27.  The canyon opens up on a desert floor.  Scorpions scuttle amid the rocks.

28.  Wind whistles eerily through the cliffs.  Shadowy figures march around high among the rocks, and dart off when you look their way.

29.  Rocks fall down on you as you cross a canyon.  You think it's just random falling debris, but when you look up at the cliffs, you see someone throwing them.  Luckily you are unhurt.

30.  You are in Cordero's healing cave.  Your injuries have been healed, and your armor has been restored.  Cordero provides you with magic shoes that protect you from the desert heat.  Do not spin dreidel when you pass Square 10.  Note:  Skip over Square 8 on your next move.

31.  You find yourself in a tent, with Cordero binding your wounds.  Your injuries have been healed and your armor restored.

32.  Brr!  In the mountains, the temperature has dropped close to zero.  You shiver as you make it over the pass.

33.  You travel down the mountains and cross a narrow gorge.  The wind whistles through the rocky outcrops.  Rocks tumble down from above.  Once and awhile you get pelted with chert or a small stone, but you are unhurt.

34.  The sun beats down heavily on the desert sand.  A tarantula crawls over a bleached cow skull.  No water in sight, but there are cacti.

35.  You enter a dark, spooky cavern system beneath a mountain.  Water drips down from the stalactites.  Bats stare at you with glowing eyes.  You face a tribe of goblins.
Nun (1):  They capture you, threatening to feed you to a dragon if you don't tell them the location of Cordero's house.  You tell them, but lose all your armor, and they feed you to the dragon anyway.  Lucky for you, it was only a dream.  Unfortunately, it also means you lost all your progress.  Move back to Square 31.
Hey (2):  Goblins shoot you with Magic Arrows of Rot.  The weapons eat away at parts of your Breastplate and Shield (Lose -2 Breastplate, -2 Shield).
Shin (3):  You find an edible looking mushroom, but it's poisonous.  You get sick and have to take medicine.  Lose 1 turn.
Gimel (4):  You find morel mushrooms.  Add 1 Provision.

36.  A massive mineral formation stands in the center of the cavern.  The cave echoes the hissing sound of an underground river.

37.  Yucca plants and flowering cacti grow along the way.  You stop to drink at an oasis.

38.  An underground river leads you to another section of cave, which you can only hope leads to the surface.

39.  You at last reach the mouth of the cave.  The sun seems blinding after being in the dark so long.

40.  You enter a maze-like catacomb full of coffins and skeletons and eerie statues.  The silence is deafening.
Nun (1):  A group of skeletons gets up and attacks you.  You destroy them with your sword, but your Breastplate gets damaged.  Lose 2 Breastplate.
Hey (2):  Cordero's friend Hasshub digs a scroll out of his pocket.  "This is powerful writing from Cordero," he says, placing the scroll in a skeleton's mouth.  "I was instructed to use it here."  The skeleton grows skin and hair and becomes a mighty warrior.  Read Ezekiel 37:1-19.  Put a cross on your shield.  For two damaging encounters, anytime your armor gets damaged, you only lose half the points.
Shin (3):  You get lost in the maze.  Lose 1 turn.
Gimel (4):  A bunch of coffins fall over.  You get scared and run out screaming.  Move back 1 square.

41.  You enter a crypt containing sarcophagi of fallen heroes.  As you reach what appears to be a dead end, you bump a coffin.  It turns out to be a secret stairway to the next room.

42.  You enter a spooky burial vault with walls covered in skulls and bones.  Ancient monks, although nonviolent, had some very strange ideas about interior decorating.

43.  The tunnels narrow as you reach the end of the catacombs  At the far end, a rotten egg smell wafts in, and you can see the cap of an active volcano in the distance.

44.  You discover an underground waterfall.  Water rushes into a pool illuminated by glowing cave fungus.

45.  Not the most pleasant room in the castle.  A steam powered machine forces grimy waste from chamber pots down through rusty pipes to a pool that drains into an underground sewer.  It smells terrible, which is why the exit resembles a submarine hatch.

46.  You're in a pit full of green slime that eats away at your armor.  Lose 1 Breastplate and 1 Shield. 
Nun (1):  Tentacles come out of the slime and try to pull you deeper into the ooze.  You fight free, but it takes time.  Lose 1 turn.
Hey (2):  You discover the skeleton of an unfortunate hero, who had been carrying treasure.  Add 2 Gold to your inventory.
Shin (3):  Your sword and armor glow, burning a path through the sludge.  Move ahead 1 square.
Gimel (4):  You are overwhelmed by the bad smell, retreating into the corridor.  Move back 1 square.


Friday, June 25, 2021

David Alexander Smith

 My favorite novels are In the Cube and Future Boston by David Alexander Smith. I was so obsessed with the Phneri character that I chose the username Akktri as a handle for my art galleries online and as a name in furry fandom. I always wanted to do fan art based on the books but didn't think I could do it justice. Just to let you know, Mr. Smith, I wasn't trying to steal your thunder.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Defensive Messaging

How to defend yourself in emails, forums and other web communications.

If you look up netiquette online, you will find a lot of generic answers to the issue of dealing with people online.  A lot of them say things like "Don't discuss religion or politics," or "Check usenet forum guidelines before posting (like they're all set in stone with every last detail explained, or that usenet even exists anymore)," "send the moderator a box of chocolates and flowery poetry," that kind of B.S.  What none of these articles give you are pointers on what to do if you get stuck in a flame war with someone.  Calling person names, or a Nazi, although fun, is the equivalent of using a sledgehammer when a verbal scalpel would suffice in resolving the conflict.  


Sometimes you will get embroiled in arguments that seem to have no end.  No amount of name calling will terminate the debate, and no one is rushing to your aid, or step in and ban the other party from the group and/or site.  In fact, you may be in danger of being banned yourself.  Any moment, you will crash and burn.
I had to learn by trial and error what to do and what not to do.  And so I am presenting this article to anyone who is wise enough to search for tips on the subject instead of just winging it and thinking they know it all.
I wish someone would have told me this stuff years ago when I was facing my own private internet wars.  I would have had a life.  I would have been able to do other, better things with my time.


Please excuse my disrespectful tone in some of this, I have had to endure a great deal of suffering because of these mistakes, and not one human being has understood what I'm going through or lifted a finger to help me escape my personal internet hell.  I have had to learn these lessons completely by trial and error and failure.
 

Defensive Messaging:

Communicating on the internet is like driving.  There are no real winners, you just try to get to work.  Sure, there are exceptions like Forensic Debate, but that's what NASCAR is to regular driving.  Everyone thinks they can handle it, but the dangerous stuff is best handled by professionals.  The average person will crash and burn if they go about it carelessly.

The Basics:

1. Don't stick your head in a beehive.

 
If you seen an online group devoted to vegetarianism (I'm using a neutral topic here - you can fill in the blank with anything you're facing - religion, politics, football, whatever) don't go in there with a bunch of posts arguing that they're all stupid and should be eating meat.  All the members there will gladly rake you over the coals.  You will not make any converts to your cause.  Don't go through the member list and ,message them all one by one either, because they have a hive mind and will swarm on you.  You will be banned and special rules will be established against exactly the kind of things you are doing.


2.  Don't drop flame bait, and don't respond to other's flame bait.

 
Think about the other people on your social group.  Do you have any enemies?  Is your posting going to piss them off?  Or make them try to change everything you are?  Either tuck that bait under your hat or find better friends.
Note:  This can include issues that well meaning friends tend to badger you about, like how you're coughing a lot because you're a smoker, or that you're having difficulty breathing or something because you're a little overweight, or the car doesn't work because you can't afford to take it into the shop, but everyone says you must.  Making a post about this may lead to unwanted advice, and possible arguments.

If you see a post that seems to be designed to offend you and individuals of your demographic, and the person seems rather bold and unyielding in their opinions, don't drop in and attempt to change their mind. Refer to the beehive item above.
 

Red Alert!

You're stuck in a flame war.  What do you do?
To describe how to survive this kind of battle, I will use an easy to remember metaphor:  You are a young starship captain facing off against a warlike Klingon, and your ship has taken a lot of damage.  It's time for "Evasive maneuvers".


1. Hail the enemy and request peace.

 
If there's something both you and your arguer can agree upon, focus on that, and let all side issues drop.  Continue to hammer home the things you agree upon as you enter the melee.
 

2. Status report:  

 
Consider your objectives:


2A. What is the desired outcome of this battle?
Nine times out of ten, I've decided it's getting the debate to end, and finding a better use of my time.  The argument is a waste of time and energy.  I'd rather play video games than waste my time with this blockhead.  
2B. What is at stake?  What will happen if I lose?  
Generally, it's my pride that I have to consider, and what the outcome will say about me as a person.
2C. Will this damage the bridge?
In other words, does any of the content of the argument challenge or defy everything you are as a person?  Will surrender mean condemning your eternal soul to hell, or merely eternal heck?  Can some of it be overlooked as an acceptable loss?  You will have to eat a lot of humble pie to escape an argument.  You will have to accept looking stupid, looking like a coward, accept a bit of shame, and say the other person is right once or twice.  The more you can agree with the other person, the more you can surrender, the better.  But if it compromises something that's at the very core of your being, you will have to focus on defending that, and only that.

 
3. Shields up.

 
Not every argument or insult that gets thrown at you actually stings.  If you can laugh it off as the other person being stupid, let it roll over you like water off a duck's back, and, most importantly, if possible, ignore the whole argument, let it drop.  Don't say anything about it (especially a remark about it being stupid).  Let them self destruct and write long essays to you.  Note:  Don't read these essays!  If at all possible, ignore them and calmly walk away.  Don't reply to anything you don't want to

.
3A.  Don't let the enemy see your phaser banks warming up.
Is your post controversial for the sake of being controversial, or is this central to who you are?  Try not to intentionally give offense if you can help it.  Again, what is essential?  Will this destroy who you are, or can you walk away?  Eternal hell, or merely heck?
Whenever in doubt, and whenever possible, take the post down if it stirs up the whole unwanted argument.  Remove it and post it somewhere safer.  


4.  Not `should' but can I retreat from battle?  If so, full reverse.

 
In the majority of arguments, you will find that the other person will not follow you out of their comfortable arena of debate.  In fact, often they are so lazy that they will not bother to say anything further to you once they've said their piece and gotten in the very last word.  Whether it be a Facebook post or a message board entry, they only want to be right in their little territory, like a toy dog.  You will find that most, if not all, will not chase you into private messages or other places online.  As long as they look good where they are, they don't give a flying fig about you, or what you think, or what you do.


5.  Cut power to non-essentials.

 
The vigorous debater, the Klingon, loves to open can after can of worms and throw them in your face.  These side issues have nothing or very little to do with the mail topic of discussion, and only serve to prolong the debate for all eternity.  For example, "If God were truly loving, he wouldn't have allowed all those Ewoks on Endor to get destroyed by an exploding Death Star," or maybe that old argument about God making a boulder that He can't lift.  If you value your free time like I do, ignore these side issues, cut them off with careful answers that indicate you're not going to discuss them and retreat into the Neutral Zone.


6.  Give the enemy wide berth.

 
Again, agree more than you disagree, aiming for peace.  It's easier to escape battle when no battle is happening.  You don't have to like them, just give them the opportunity to bow out peacefully.  If at all possible, let them get in the last word, only so they can shut up.
Understand that your lack of response does not mean agreement, it merely means you're not going to talk about it.  Not responding is essential in leaving this never ending debate.


7.  Fire warning shots and defensive shots from a place of absolute security.

 
Use only as a last resort.  Most of your attacks, although coming from an arena where you are theoretically comfortable with, may end up being turned against you by enemy deflectors.  Overconfidence may lead to being further embroiled in more debates.

KCKS-SWAGGY 102-RADIO PLAYLIST

Welcome to my imaginary radio station!  Check your clock and listen to the corresponding song on this playlist!
The block marked "commercials" could be station identifiers or something crazy.


11:53P-Iron Maiden-Two Minutes to midnight
12:00A-Station ID
12:02-Foreigner-Starrider
12:06-Amazing Adventures of Pac-Man: Slightly Crazy Lazy Day
12:09-Black Sabbath-Fairies Wear Boots
12:16-Amy Grant-El Shaddai
12:21-Winds of Change-Scorpions
12:26-Fire and Ice-Pat Benetar
12:30-Judas Priest-Another Thing Coming
12:43-Auf Wiedersen Pet theme song
12:46-Beethoven Symphony No 7 in A Major OP 92-11 Allegretto
12:55-Clubbed To Death-Rob Dougan
1:03-I Like It, I Love It-Alan Jackson
1:07-Pressure Drop-Toots and the Maytals
1:11-Commercials
1:13-Dragula Dance Mix-Rob Zombie
1:18-Song of the Lonely Mountain-Neil Finn
1:23-Eagle-ABBA
1:28-Purple Chicken Spaceman Song
1:29-Raiders of the Lost Ark Map Room Song
1:33-Twilight Time-The Platters
1:36-Fireball XL5 theme song
1:39-Chaodenshi Bioman theme song
1:42 Visitors-ABBA
1:48-Hell is for Children-Pat Benetar
1:51-Colt 45-Afroman
1:56-Monster Hash-Toyes
2:00-Commercials
2:02-Koi No Dansite-Morning Musume
2:06-Don't Rock the Jukebox-Alan Jackson
2:10-Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox-Joe Diffie
2:14-Voulez Vous-ABBA
2:19-Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White
2:25-"Will 2K"
2:31-Ice Ice Baby
2:35-Twisted Sister-Burn In Hell
2:39-ABBA-Angels
2:44-Doctor Who-Strange Creatures
2:49-Jackyl-Lumberjack
2:53-Frank Zappa-Po Jamma People
3:01-Commercials
3:03-Ozzy Osbourne-Just Want You
3:08-ABBA-Chiquitita
3:14-Bloodhound Gang-Asleep at the Wheel
3:19-The Young Ones-Hole In My Shoe
3:23-Giles Giles and Fripp-Elephant Song
3:27-Terrorvision Theme
3:31-Captain Beefheart-Floppy Boot Stomp
3:35-Beefheart-Upon the My Oh My
3:39-Zappa-Apostrophe
3:45-Pink Floyd-Interstellar Overdrive
3:55-Weird Al-Your Horoscope for Today
3:59-Commercials
4:02-Bloodrock-DOA
4:07-Alice Cooper-Man Behind The Mask
4:12-Flock of Seagulls-I Ran
4:16-Billy Idol-White Wedding
4:20-Shinedown-"45"
4:25-Staind-Outside (live version)
4:29-He-Man Theme song with spoken intro
4:32-My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult-Swine and Roses
4:39-Tyr-Take Your Tyrant
4:43-Mike Oldfield-Tubular Bells
4:50-Ministry-Every Day Is Halloween
4:57-Electric Light Orchestra-Here is the News
5:00-Commercials
5:04-They Might Be Giants-Meet James Ensor
5:06-Elton John-I'm Still Standing
5:10-INXS-Listen Like Thieves
5:16-Rocky Horror Picture Show-Science Fiction Double Feature
5:21-AC/DC-Who Made Who
5:25-Starbucks Commercial featuring Survivor
5:26-Redbone-Wovoka
5:29-Moody Blues-Singer in a Rock N Roll Band
5:34-Propellorheads-Spybreak
5:38-Reunion-Life is a rock (but the radio rolled me)
5:43-Squeeze-Coffee in bed
5:47-King Crimson-Court of the Crimson King
6:05-Commercials
6:07-Zappa-Call any Vegetable
6:15-Zappa-Lumpy Gravy theme
6:17-The Doors-Moon of Alabama
6:22-The Cyrkle-Red Rubber Ball
6:25-Judas Priest-Electric Eye
6:29-Iron Maiden-Aces High
6:33-Beatles-Magical Mystery Tour
6:37-Beatles-My Guitar Gently Weeps
6:41-Iron Maiden-Prowler
6:45-Bad Lip Reading-The Last Jedi: My Stick
6:50-Arthur Brown-Hellfire
6:53-Billy Thorpe-1991
7:00-Commercials
7:02-Pointer Sisters-Fire
7:06-Jefferson Airplane-White Rabbit
7:09-Kenny Loggins-House on Pooh Corner
7:13-Rawhide Theme Song
7:15-Tennessee Ford-16 Tons
7:18-Chris De Burgh-Don't Pay the Ferryman
7:23-Alice Cooper-Stephen
7:29-Stevee Earle-Copperhead Road
7:34-Iron Maiden-Ballad of the Ancient Mariner
7:48-Journey-Wheel in the Sky
7:52-Coasters-Charlie Brown
7:59-Roadhouse Blues
8:04-Commercials
8:06-Troll(1986 Film) monster song
8:10-Information Society-What's on your Mind
8:15-Metallica-Ain't my B****
8:21-Green Day-Brain Stew/Jaded
8:31-Bloodhound Gang-Lift Your head up high (blow your brains out)
8:36-System of a Down-Toxicity
8:40-ABBA-Summer Night City
8:44-ABBA-Souper Trooper
8:49-Ozzy-Killer of Giants
8:55-Commercials
9:01-Scorpions-Don't stop at the top
9:06-Ready for the world-O Sheila
9:10-They might be giants-they got lost
9:13-Moody Blues-Knights in White Satin
9:19-Alan Parsons Project-Pyrimania
9:22-Squirrel Nut Zippers-Ghost of Stephen Foster
9:26-Beyond Reality TV show theme song
9:27-Cypress Hill-Cock the hammer
9:32-Kidd Video-You'd better run
9:36-Iron Maiden-Run for the hills
9:40-Peter Schilling-The Noah Plan
9:49-Frank Zappa-Who are the brain police
9:53-Koko Taylor-Wang Dang doodle
9:58-Commercials
10:01-Joe Diffie-John Deere Green
10:05-Ringo Starr-La De Da
10:09-Tom Waits-Night on Earth
10:12-Alice Cooper-Former Lee Warner
10:17-Johnny Adams-Body And Fender Man
10:23-Marylin Manson-Nightmare before Christmas
10:28-ELO-Telephone line
10:33-The Cars-Hello Again
10:37-Mysterious Cities of Gold theme song
10:39-Kingdom Hospital TV show-Red Dragon Tattoo
10:44-Beetlejuice Main Theme
10:47-Ozzy-Perry Mason
10:53-Gangnam Style
10:59-Eurythmics-Missionary Man
11:04-Commercials
11:06-Pink Floyd-Julia Dream
11:09-Guns N Roses-Mr. Brownstone
11:13-Weird al-My Pancreas
11:17-Stone Temple Pilots-Big Empty
11:22-Harry Nilsson-Remember
11:27-Neil Diamond-Be
11:33-Moody Blues-Geminii Dream
11:38-Peanut Butter Jelly Time
11:41-Beastie Boys-Brass Monkey
11:44-KISS-I was made for loving you
11:48-Creedence-The Old Man Down the road
11:52-Beatles-Because
11:55-Ozzy-Goodbye to romance
12:01-Commercials
12:03P-The Who-Share the land
12:08-Beck-Colors
12:13-Soundgarden-Blow Up the outside
12:19-Fine Americans-Western Union
12:22-Neon Genesis theme
12:24-Ink Spots-I don't want to set the world on fire
12:26-Offspring-The Kids aren't Alright
12:30-Offspring-You Gonna Go Far Kid
12:34-Weird Al-Why does this always happen to me
12:39-Star Trek the motion Picture-Klingon battle theme
12:44-Mister Rogers-Man who manufactures chairs
12:47-Midnight Oil-Beds are burning
12:52-Men at work-Who could it be now
12:56-Alice Cooper-Black Widow
1:02-Commercials
1:04-Wings-Venus and Mars Reprise
1:07-Jimmy Hendrix-Are U experienced
1:11-Beatles-Happiness is a warm gun
1:14-Fleetwood Mac-Tusk
1:18-Steve Miller-Abracadabra
1:24-Genesis-Home by the sea
1:30-Preacher TV show theme song
1:31-Marty Robbins-El Paso
1:36-David Dundas-Jeans On
1:39-Cheap Trick-Stop this game
1:43-Stevie Ray Vaugn-Caught in the crossfire
1:48-Marx Brothers-Horsefeathers-I'm Against It
1:51-Foreigner-Long Long Way from Home
1:54-Foreigner-Blue Morning
1:58-Commercials
2:00-Phil Collins-That's all
2:05-Megadeth-Angry Again
2:09-AC/DC-Big Gun
2:14-Def Leppard-Two Steps Behind
2:19-Brian Adams-Run to you
2:24-Eddie Murphy-Boogie in your butt
2:29-Eddie Murphy-Party all the time
2:34-Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
2:37-Carly Simon-You're so vain
2:42-Platters-Great Pretender
2:45-Melissa Manchester-Midnight Blue
2:50-Clarence Carter-Strokin'
2:55-Bob Darin-Splish splash I was taking a bath
2:58-Commercials
3:00-Little Richard-Long Tall sally
3:03-Tony Joe-Polk Salad Annie
3:07-RL Burnside-If the river was whiskey
3:11-The Fugs-I couldn't get high-original version
3:13-Fugs-Crystal Liaison
3:17-Captain Beefheart-Observatory Crest
3:20-Station identifier
3:24-Statler Brothers-Flowers on the wall
3:27-Eddie Money-Take me home tonight
3:31-Jim Towel-I've been hoodooed
3:34-Doctor John-Gilded splinters
3:42-Bonnie Tyler-Total eclipse of the heart
3:47-Bonnie Tyler-I need a hero
3:53-REM-the one I love
3:57-Paul engeman-push it to the limit
4:01-Commercials
4:03-Salt n peppa-push it
4:08-Salt n peppa-Start me up
4:13-Leonard Cohen-Everybody knows
4:19-Electric Prunes-Sold to the highest bidder
4:22-Xibit-X
4:27-Big Tymers-Oh yeah
4:32-No doubt-Keep on dancing
4:37-Pink-Don't let me get me
4:41-The revels-comanche
4:43-Surf rider-lively ones
4:47-Dick Dale-Misirlou
4:50-Tornados-Bustin Surfboards
4:53-Hueyln Duvall-Three months to kill
4:57-Hayseed Dixie-Back in black
5:02-commercials
5:04-Mr. Blotto-Goodbye, Mr. Bond
5:09-Chris Cornell-You know my name
5:13-Propellorheads-On her majesty's secret service
5:23-Gene Autry-Don't fence me in
5:26-Vengaboys-we like to party
5:30-Redbone-Witch queen of new orleans
5:33-Slade-Coz I luv you
5:37-Parliament-P-Funk
5:45-Doobie brothers-Jesus is just all right
5:50-station identifier
5:56-Friends TV show-smelly cat
5:58-commercials
6:00-David Bowie-Ziggy Stardust
6:04-Ozzy-see you on the other side
6:08-Call of duty video game soundtrack-red square/ebenezer
6:10-Eagles-hotel california
6:17-Toyes-Smoke Two Joints
6:21-Susan Christie-I like onions
6:24-The Ketchup song
6:28-Booker T and MGS-Green onions
6:31-phillip glass-koyaanisqatsi
6:42-Macarena
6:47-Dolly Parton-working nine to five
6:50-Dark Shadows TV show-Josette's theme
6:52-Dark Shadows theme song
6:55-The Cult-The Witch
7:02-Commercials
7:04-Chambers Brothers-Time has come today
7:16-David Bowie-I'm afraid of americans
7:22-Cher-Gypsies tramps and thieves
7:25-Peter Schilling-Major Tom is coming home
7:30-Eurythmics-Sweet dreams are made of this
7:34-1995 Tank Girl Film-Girl You Want
7:38-Devo-Joko Homo extended version
7:46-Devo-Speed racer
7:50-Rolling stones-miss you
7:54-One night in bangkok
7:58-Commercials
8:00-INXS-Devil inside
8:06-Smash Mouth-Then the morning comes
8:10-Imagine Dragons-Believer
8:14-King Crimson-I talk to the wind
8:20-Beatles-Golden Slumbers/Carry that weight/The end
8:26-Iron Maiden-The Village
8:32-Weird Al-Generic Blues
8:36-Because your kiss is on my list-Hall and oates
8:41-Psychostick-Beer is good
8:44-Psychostick-Die a lot
8:46-Eighteen wheels on a big rig-trout fishing in America
8:49-Leonard Nimoy-"Illogical"
8:52-Harry Nilsson-Everybody's talkin'
8:55-Alice in chains-rooster
8:05-Led Zeppelin-Kashmir
9:11-Led Zeppelin-Ramble on
9:20-Karla devito-We are not alone
9:24-Keith forsey-Dream montage
9:27-Greg Burge-Surprise, surprise-Chorus line
9:33-Led Zeppelin-Stairway to heaven
9:41-Imagine Dragons-Whatever it takes
9:45-Beatles-she came in through the bathroom window
9:47-Devo-too much paranoias
9:47-America-sister golden hair
9:53-Pitbull-Fireball
9:58-Alan parsons project-Eye in the sky
10:03-commercials
10:05-Ronnie Millsap-Pure love
10:08-2 Unlimited-Get ready for this
10:15-House of pain-Jump around
10:20-House of pain-Funk soul brother
10:25-Darude-Sandstorm
10:28-Sweet-Ballroom Blitz
10:33-Gorillaz-Clint Eastwood
10:38-Devo-Satisfaction
10:41-Alan Parsons-Sirius
10:43-Imagine Dragons-Natural
10:47-Devo-Mechanical Man
10:52-Will Smith-Boom Shake the room
10:56-America-Last Unicorn
11:00-Commercials
11:02-Men without hats-safety dance
11:05-Hot Butter-Popcorn
11:15-Miss Kittin-"1982"
11:20-Europe-Carrie
11:25-Stranger Things theme
11:28-Lavern Baker-Saved
11:31-Wynona Carr-The ballgame
11:35-Cake-going the distance
11:39-Foo Fighters-All My Life
11:44-Montgomery Gentry-Daddy won't sell the farm
11:49-Electric Prunes-The king is in his counting house
11:52-Samurai Pizza Cats theme
11:54-Europe-The Final Countdown
12:01A-Station ID
Until I make another one of these, you can just skip down to 12:02 on the first list to continue

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Remodeling

 I went about my fiction reviews the wrong way. You are supposed to sandwich criticism between compliments, and sites like fanfiction.net have review buttons for the purpose. I think I was being a bit rude and arrogant picking on them here. So thanks for the likes, but this blog will go to a new format soon.