A report on Ufosoveramerica.com says:
"Me and my two friends have just came back from a long road trip. We believe we have truly made contact with ETS. Nobody believes us, please give us some information on what we saw, this huge saucer shaped ship hovered above us several times, and we seen it all the way home."
Yeah. Sure. I have no idea what the location is, who you are, or when it was. The five W's are missing. And I'm supposed to tell you information?
"The police did not do a thing. Plus it stopped in the middle of the road above us, and creatures ran across the road into a crop field."
Um...and the police being unhelpful is the alien's fault?
"We are really confused, because we don't believe in this stuff, and we don't know what to think, it was not a dream, plus 3 hours pasted like 3 minutes, were we abducted? we do not remember anything!"
I can fabricate something, if you want. But as for the truth, you're SOL.
"And there were mutilated cows in a pasture. Please help us to understand this bizarre phenomenon!"
Sorry, man. It looks like answer lies within...a spaceship.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
UFO Facts
"1. Stay up late, but not too late. Almost all UFO landings take place after 6:00 p.m. Sightings rise in number until about 10:30 p.m. and then begin to decline. Very few sightings of TRUFOs take place between 6:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. The number of sightings decreases after 10:30 because most aliens go to bed around that time. The more aliens there are in bed, the fewer there are to abduct people. Of course, some people see strange lights outside their bedroom windows, so being in bed doesn't rule out the possibility of seeing a UFO. But since aliens go to bed at 10:30, being in bed at 11:00 doesn't count. Also make sure you wear nice clothes when going to bed. An alien might want to take you out on a date. They sometimes like seafood, but aren't fond of Applebee's.
2. Be in the right place. You may think that looking for aliens in your grandmother's basement is a good idea, BUT IT IS NOT! You have to be outside, so forget about the XBOX 360. Bring your Nintendo DS instead. Aliens don't like basements or highly populated areas like New York City and Sedalia because of the smog and the traffic and the expensive food. The best idea is to go out into the woods and look for them because that's where they pee.
3. Be young. You should be at least 13, but not 8 like my icky little sister. Also, you should be blonde with blue eyes (unlike my sister) and answer to the name Mike. But if you're my friend, that's cool too. Maybe you can be abducted, too! Sometimes people with red hair get abducted. Or brown or black sometimes. My friend down the street says he skinned his knee, but it looks like something only an alien can do with a piece of alien concrete."
-Mike from Denver, CO
2. Be in the right place. You may think that looking for aliens in your grandmother's basement is a good idea, BUT IT IS NOT! You have to be outside, so forget about the XBOX 360. Bring your Nintendo DS instead. Aliens don't like basements or highly populated areas like New York City and Sedalia because of the smog and the traffic and the expensive food. The best idea is to go out into the woods and look for them because that's where they pee.
3. Be young. You should be at least 13, but not 8 like my icky little sister. Also, you should be blonde with blue eyes (unlike my sister) and answer to the name Mike. But if you're my friend, that's cool too. Maybe you can be abducted, too! Sometimes people with red hair get abducted. Or brown or black sometimes. My friend down the street says he skinned his knee, but it looks like something only an alien can do with a piece of alien concrete."
-Mike from Denver, CO
Where's the rest of it?
A UFO report on Ufosoveramerica.com says, ".........hello.....no i never seen a ufo... but i do know of someone that did.. i found a farmers diary ... dated 1905....he describes it as triangle shape object passing through a moon lit cold winter sky...in kent county delaware... i don't think planes were invented....?? and hot air balloons could not fly in such cold weather...well he seen something??? just wanted to share this with you...."
Well, okay. He says he found a farmer's diary. He gives a summary of it. He says he wants to share it. So where's the excerpts?
Well, okay. He says he found a farmer's diary. He gives a summary of it. He says he wants to share it. So where's the excerpts?
Paranormal story
A few weeks ago, I went driving. I got lost, and went past a Dairy Queen. On the way back, I got stuck in traffic. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
UFO Hooey
Louis Sheehan wrote on his blog (http://louis3j3sheehan.blogspot.com), "Back on the night of October 7, 1965, an event of historic proportions, a true landmark in UFO history, took place - the actual incursion over Edwards Air Force Base in the Palmdale/Lancaster area of California's Mojave Desert of a number of extraterrestrial craft. If this astonishing event is now, finally, gaining any measurable attention, it is a direct result of my efforts. I make that statement in all humility...it is simply the truth. "
So..."If anyone knows about this event, it's all my doing, and that's a FACT!" Wow. Talk about humility!
This one's a gem, too:
"From my calculations at least 40 hours of recordings were made (a five hour event recording from at least 8 locations). However, only six hours of tapes were de-classified many years ago as a mass of noise and unclear voices, which truly defied interpretation. They had SCRAMBLED the tapes into what they felt was a hopeless jumble of random pieces of conversation utterly out of sequence and logical progression. When I realized what had been done, it presented a challenge which made me determined to find out what was hidden within that chaotic mass of sound."
That implies that they were bored enough to jumble 40 hours of radio communication that naturally lends itself towards (CLICK!) periods of silence, static, and incomplete sentences. Pilot goes under cloud cover talking about something banal, loses contact. Listener hears static and immediately thinks `conspiracy!'
"After many months and countless hours of laborious research, cataloging, and editing the snips and pieces of the audio tape, I was able to organize the sound so the conversations could be understood. I had successfully restored the tapes to their original and correct sequencing. I then added carefully researched narration, which explained what was taking place, so that the listener would clearly understand the unfolding event."
Oh reeeaally? I can use the same techniques to make George Bush say he likes to play with his weiner.
"As narrator, I sought out Jackson Beck, the true dean of radio announcers and films commentators - the voice of the Paramount Newsreel, countless original Military films, and even the original narrator of the Superman radio program. Mr. Beck is now heard on many important new national radio and TV commercials. His voice is known to millions, even if his name is not. I felt he would add credibility to the narration of this astonishing historical event."
Actually, FACTS would add credibility to your "astonishing historical event." Adding a big time celeb to your production only adds to the artificiality.
After writing at length about his UFO documentary filming, he said, "Having that success, I felt we were on a roll and more real events would take place which we would cover, but they did not."
So..."real events"..."didn't happen"? Are you in some kind of cosmic time vacuum where history does not occur in any way, shape or form?
So..."If anyone knows about this event, it's all my doing, and that's a FACT!" Wow. Talk about humility!
This one's a gem, too:
"From my calculations at least 40 hours of recordings were made (a five hour event recording from at least 8 locations). However, only six hours of tapes were de-classified many years ago as a mass of noise and unclear voices, which truly defied interpretation. They had SCRAMBLED the tapes into what they felt was a hopeless jumble of random pieces of conversation utterly out of sequence and logical progression. When I realized what had been done, it presented a challenge which made me determined to find out what was hidden within that chaotic mass of sound."
That implies that they were bored enough to jumble 40 hours of radio communication that naturally lends itself towards (CLICK!) periods of silence, static, and incomplete sentences. Pilot goes under cloud cover talking about something banal, loses contact. Listener hears static and immediately thinks `conspiracy!'
"After many months and countless hours of laborious research, cataloging, and editing the snips and pieces of the audio tape, I was able to organize the sound so the conversations could be understood. I had successfully restored the tapes to their original and correct sequencing. I then added carefully researched narration, which explained what was taking place, so that the listener would clearly understand the unfolding event."
Oh reeeaally? I can use the same techniques to make George Bush say he likes to play with his weiner.
"As narrator, I sought out Jackson Beck, the true dean of radio announcers and films commentators - the voice of the Paramount Newsreel, countless original Military films, and even the original narrator of the Superman radio program. Mr. Beck is now heard on many important new national radio and TV commercials. His voice is known to millions, even if his name is not. I felt he would add credibility to the narration of this astonishing historical event."
Actually, FACTS would add credibility to your "astonishing historical event." Adding a big time celeb to your production only adds to the artificiality.
After writing at length about his UFO documentary filming, he said, "Having that success, I felt we were on a roll and more real events would take place which we would cover, but they did not."
So..."real events"..."didn't happen"? Are you in some kind of cosmic time vacuum where history does not occur in any way, shape or form?
WTF
This was a real post at Ufosoveramerica.com:
"I was just curious. I definitely believe there is life out there in other planets, but I was just curious have you ever thought that what ufos could possibly be is parts of a space ship. Like lets take apollo 13 for instance it lost some of it's major parts. could that be part of a space ship? it is getting late so I could be losing my mind but I don't really think I am."
Um, why does the moderator post rambling, poorly conceived junk like this on the website? Someone just e-mailed them and said, "gee, I wonder" and they actually posted it. I think some people just don't care.
"I was just curious. I definitely believe there is life out there in other planets, but I was just curious have you ever thought that what ufos could possibly be is parts of a space ship. Like lets take apollo 13 for instance it lost some of it's major parts. could that be part of a space ship? it is getting late so I could be losing my mind but I don't really think I am."
Um, why does the moderator post rambling, poorly conceived junk like this on the website? Someone just e-mailed them and said, "gee, I wonder" and they actually posted it. I think some people just don't care.
UFO story
I was outside my house 6 days after my birthday and was looking at the stars with my new telescope. then i saw something that looked like a smooth silver sphere reflecting the sun. I watched it for about 5 minutes and it did nothing but sit there. then as if it were observing me it molded like silly putty into a human shape. then transformed back into a sphere. i watched it for longer and then transformed into a saucer and then lights flickered on and a circle appeared on the base of the saucer and then i remember that a bright light shown and it disappeared. But that's not all it came back the next night transformed into a pyramid and then went off. That was when I looked up from my telescope and saw the neighbor's window. I had been watching their television.
Then what's it about?
An entire paragraph of a UFO story by "K" is devoted to planting trees, which is totally pointless. And before that, he gives his entire work history, which also turns out to be irrelevant. The punchline is the last sentence of this paragraph.
"Christmas vacation was two weeks of time out of school that I could use to fatten the old wallet so to speak. I hooked up with some other Doverites that did contract work for the forest service planting pine seedlings in some clear-cut areas. Work started at daylight, and ended at dark since the days were short. We got paid by the acre. You carried a tool with you called a "bar" shaped kinda like a pogo stick except instead of a spring and a rubber cap on the end of the handle, there was a sharp spade-like blade of thick steel and a steel extension coming off one side to use your foot to help stab the blade into the ground. Stab the blade into the ground, push the bar forward to open a 8" deep hole, place the seedling in the ground (being careful not to J-root them) and then stomp with your boot to seal the hole. Step forward 5 steps and repeat the process. That is what planting pines is all about. But this story isn't about planting pine trees, even though right now it probably seems like it."
"Christmas vacation was two weeks of time out of school that I could use to fatten the old wallet so to speak. I hooked up with some other Doverites that did contract work for the forest service planting pine seedlings in some clear-cut areas. Work started at daylight, and ended at dark since the days were short. We got paid by the acre. You carried a tool with you called a "bar" shaped kinda like a pogo stick except instead of a spring and a rubber cap on the end of the handle, there was a sharp spade-like blade of thick steel and a steel extension coming off one side to use your foot to help stab the blade into the ground. Stab the blade into the ground, push the bar forward to open a 8" deep hole, place the seedling in the ground (being careful not to J-root them) and then stomp with your boot to seal the hole. Step forward 5 steps and repeat the process. That is what planting pines is all about. But this story isn't about planting pine trees, even though right now it probably seems like it."
Overland Park UFO
It's local to my area, and better than the other local "paranormal stories" I've read, so I'll post it here.
From evidence@ufosoveramerica.com, Tue, 13 Nov 2001, Title "Daylight Sighting."
"It was 1980-81 I can't remember exactly but it was mid summer, mid day with a cloudless sky. My wife and I had just stopped at a dairy store in the middle of Overland Park, a suburb of Kansas City, Ks. I was parked facing West when I noticed an object heading North at about the speed of a small
plane. It was long and slender and as it traveled North it seemed to also be rotating because one side was reflective and the other was flat black.
My wife came out of the store and I pointed it out to her and she said to follow it. We headed North on the nearest street and kept it in sight for about 15 blocks when the object slowed to a stop. By this time it's angle and mine had brought us closer together. If you hold a ballpoint pen at arms length half of that would be size of the object from our position. We had pulled into a grade school lot to keep an eye on as it stayed in one spot for about 3 minutes. I mentioned before it was rotating and it
continued to do so as it held it's place like a helicopter. It was like a two color pencil rolling slowly on a desk top, silver then black and back again.
As we watched a young guy of about 13 came walking by. I got his attention asked if he could tell me what the thing was. He said he didn't know and kept an eye on it as he walked away. Then the object started moving again but this time to the South-East. We had to drive back South a couple of blocks
to the next E-W road it hidden by the trees. By the time we got to a clearing and the next N-S road it was out of sight. It didn't zoom off with blazing speed but it did move faster than before. When we got home a few minuets later we called Richards- Gabauer Air Force Base in Mo. to report what we saw.
Of coarse their radar never tracked anything odd. Later that night on the local news the weather man said the thing people were seeing earlier was a weather balloon. Well, I know what I saw and it happened just as I have describedit.
Chuck J. - Lawrence, Ks.
From evidence@ufosoveramerica.com, Tue, 13 Nov 2001, Title "Daylight Sighting."
"It was 1980-81 I can't remember exactly but it was mid summer, mid day with a cloudless sky. My wife and I had just stopped at a dairy store in the middle of Overland Park, a suburb of Kansas City, Ks. I was parked facing West when I noticed an object heading North at about the speed of a small
plane. It was long and slender and as it traveled North it seemed to also be rotating because one side was reflective and the other was flat black.
My wife came out of the store and I pointed it out to her and she said to follow it. We headed North on the nearest street and kept it in sight for about 15 blocks when the object slowed to a stop. By this time it's angle and mine had brought us closer together. If you hold a ballpoint pen at arms length half of that would be size of the object from our position. We had pulled into a grade school lot to keep an eye on as it stayed in one spot for about 3 minutes. I mentioned before it was rotating and it
continued to do so as it held it's place like a helicopter. It was like a two color pencil rolling slowly on a desk top, silver then black and back again.
As we watched a young guy of about 13 came walking by. I got his attention asked if he could tell me what the thing was. He said he didn't know and kept an eye on it as he walked away. Then the object started moving again but this time to the South-East. We had to drive back South a couple of blocks
to the next E-W road it hidden by the trees. By the time we got to a clearing and the next N-S road it was out of sight. It didn't zoom off with blazing speed but it did move faster than before. When we got home a few minuets later we called Richards- Gabauer Air Force Base in Mo. to report what we saw.
Of coarse their radar never tracked anything odd. Later that night on the local news the weather man said the thing people were seeing earlier was a weather balloon. Well, I know what I saw and it happened just as I have describedit.
Chuck J. - Lawrence, Ks.
Close encounters of the first kind
First kind encounters don't interest me. So you saw a little speck moving around in the sky. Maybe you've been staring too long and your eyes are playing tricks on you. Sort of like how you get stars swimming across your eyes if you hold your finger down on your eyelid for a long time. They're not very interesting or creative. Especially if the encounter is so distant that they don't get to a description of a "saucer".
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