It's funny how people that ban visitors complain about nobody caring or thinking about them or visiting their journals. Anyways, here's some thoughts on what I read, and they're in no way intended to be mean or offensive:
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, December 16, 2011
Gardenia #163
"Your Greatest Fan"
http://www.furnation.com/akktri/Gardenia533.html
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Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Skybeyondthesky
Skybeyondthesky by shireveningsilk and Chakatheaven yahoo group
This is the best furry story I've ever read. The author didn't put their name on it, but it's great. The reader wades through the opening with a mind full of questions, and the writer only brings more questions with their answer. I kept wanting to read more to find out what happened next.
The main character seems to be some sort of guinea pig, and she discovers an alien probe of some kind. It delves in to spirituality, reproduction, and other factors of life, establishing a believable world that seems uncomfortably like our own.
Although nothing was clearly identified in terms we can understand (the names of species, geography, vehicles, etc.) it's perfectly acceptable in terms of how a...(vole? groundhog?) would see the world. No real criticisms came to mind as I read through it, so I awarded a whopping 20 kudos points. (I'm serious, that first section before the break is good enough to print.)
It was all well and good until I reached the part about the guy at the desk. Needs work. Besides the points in the checklist, there's the problem of slapping too much description on the characters all at once (I didn't grade too harshly because I fall prey to that myself), and I almost see hints of a Mary Sue on the description (I suspect the writer is fat and wishes to be a thin guy that overeats?), again, no cheese points for that, either, but it makes me wonder. The quasi-female was an interesting twist. I awarded a kudos for not being stereotypically shapely and so forth.
I momentarily questioned the need for the part about the guy whistling a video game song, but then I realized it doesn't specify which song, and so it just brands the guy as a nerd, which is cool.
I'm not sure what the girl sees in Mr. Complete Slob. Although she's flat chested, and they're probably right for each other, the guy sounds like the kind who would leave food crumbs and chips all over his chest, and have Anime porn all over his desktop. I don't buy the thing about her wanting his food - she has a replicator. My only guess is she's trying to use sex to steal his security clearance and do something illegal with all those space probes they're sending across the galaxy.
To the author's credit, the guy is clueless in the realm of love, especially with a flat chested dame who might not be his species anyway. Which makes me wonder even more what she sees in him.
This is the best furry story I've ever read. The author didn't put their name on it, but it's great. The reader wades through the opening with a mind full of questions, and the writer only brings more questions with their answer. I kept wanting to read more to find out what happened next.
The main character seems to be some sort of guinea pig, and she discovers an alien probe of some kind. It delves in to spirituality, reproduction, and other factors of life, establishing a believable world that seems uncomfortably like our own.
Although nothing was clearly identified in terms we can understand (the names of species, geography, vehicles, etc.) it's perfectly acceptable in terms of how a...(vole? groundhog?) would see the world. No real criticisms came to mind as I read through it, so I awarded a whopping 20 kudos points. (I'm serious, that first section before the break is good enough to print.)
It was all well and good until I reached the part about the guy at the desk. Needs work. Besides the points in the checklist, there's the problem of slapping too much description on the characters all at once (I didn't grade too harshly because I fall prey to that myself), and I almost see hints of a Mary Sue on the description (I suspect the writer is fat and wishes to be a thin guy that overeats?), again, no cheese points for that, either, but it makes me wonder. The quasi-female was an interesting twist. I awarded a kudos for not being stereotypically shapely and so forth.
I momentarily questioned the need for the part about the guy whistling a video game song, but then I realized it doesn't specify which song, and so it just brands the guy as a nerd, which is cool.
I'm not sure what the girl sees in Mr. Complete Slob. Although she's flat chested, and they're probably right for each other, the guy sounds like the kind who would leave food crumbs and chips all over his chest, and have Anime porn all over his desktop. I don't buy the thing about her wanting his food - she has a replicator. My only guess is she's trying to use sex to steal his security clearance and do something illegal with all those space probes they're sending across the galaxy.
To the author's credit, the guy is clueless in the realm of love, especially with a flat chested dame who might not be his species anyway. Which makes me wonder even more what she sees in him.
A Small Disappointment
A Small Disappointment by Eric Vary
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)
I'm shocked as hell to see this story on the Winds of Change website. I had no idea what the connection is, or why it's here, but I found it an interesting Vary-ation on the normal stuff he posts at forums and in comics.
It was short, so there wasn't too much to review, really.
Small Disappointment is pretty much your standard transformation story. Unfortunately, that means that the transformation "wave" ends up being described a lot like the hero is going through a bad case of diarrhea. The hero here is running and running home after the wave hits him. Kind of like how you'd be running after ten bran muffins and a big walnut ice cream smoothie. Is running home really going to help you when you're transforming into a duck?
As the story goes along, it's sort of a Mary Sue type of wish fulfillment type of tale, not much substance to the characters and the like, except for the protagonist.
The ending got a bit strange. One minute he's working at a grocery store or something, and he starts changing from his otter form to the form of a duck, and he panics and runs off to a pond. Then he tests out his wings and flies around. While the idea of running from your job and having fun or whatever has pathos to it, it usually results in this:
"Hello, Oren! This is the boss. You're fired. You see, you left your post today and it was very busy..."
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)
I'm shocked as hell to see this story on the Winds of Change website. I had no idea what the connection is, or why it's here, but I found it an interesting Vary-ation on the normal stuff he posts at forums and in comics.
It was short, so there wasn't too much to review, really.
Small Disappointment is pretty much your standard transformation story. Unfortunately, that means that the transformation "wave" ends up being described a lot like the hero is going through a bad case of diarrhea. The hero here is running and running home after the wave hits him. Kind of like how you'd be running after ten bran muffins and a big walnut ice cream smoothie. Is running home really going to help you when you're transforming into a duck?
As the story goes along, it's sort of a Mary Sue type of wish fulfillment type of tale, not much substance to the characters and the like, except for the protagonist.
The ending got a bit strange. One minute he's working at a grocery store or something, and he starts changing from his otter form to the form of a duck, and he panics and runs off to a pond. Then he tests out his wings and flies around. While the idea of running from your job and having fun or whatever has pathos to it, it usually results in this:
"Hello, Oren! This is the boss. You're fired. You see, you left your post today and it was very busy..."
Slave foxes
Slave foxes by Daniel Davis at the Chakatheaven yahoo group
This was a fun story to read. It opened up in a way that reminded me of Doctor Who episodes, and it was well written enough to not distract me from my artwork. I awarded five kudos for the opening. Even though there was some info dumping, it was effective because it told a story instead of lecturing to the reader.
As it went on, it actually got more exciting. I liked reading about the horrible slave environment, and the cruelty of their Egyptian-esque captors. It's believable, and again reminds me of Doctor Who for some reason (except I don't think the Doctor is making an appearance). More kudos for the excellent story that carries you along the paragraphs.
Unfortunately, the story breaks down at the "present day" after the drownings. The section could have used a better transition. The previous segment transitioned with the mention of the water holes and such, but the same abrupt method of scene changing didn't work after that because there was nothing significant connecting the two paragraphs.
As I read onward, I figured out why I was reminded of Doctor Who. The characters are unusually cooperative with the slave masters. When you think about it, it kind of makes sense, really. Slaves get better treatment if they cooperate. The slave masters act nicer to them because they don't fight back. Unlike about 80% of science fiction about slavery, this one recognizes how slaves and slave masters would really behave. You don't fight back unless you want to die. People don't moan and complain and whine about the slavemasters, they plot out their day-to-day affairs to ensure that they don't get beaten as much. It seems weird, but that's probably how it was done. I awarded another five kudos for the fact they didn't spend every waking moment planning escapes and overthrows. Not everyone can afford such things without fear of corporal punishment.
This was a fun story to read. It opened up in a way that reminded me of Doctor Who episodes, and it was well written enough to not distract me from my artwork. I awarded five kudos for the opening. Even though there was some info dumping, it was effective because it told a story instead of lecturing to the reader.
As it went on, it actually got more exciting. I liked reading about the horrible slave environment, and the cruelty of their Egyptian-esque captors. It's believable, and again reminds me of Doctor Who for some reason (except I don't think the Doctor is making an appearance). More kudos for the excellent story that carries you along the paragraphs.
Unfortunately, the story breaks down at the "present day" after the drownings. The section could have used a better transition. The previous segment transitioned with the mention of the water holes and such, but the same abrupt method of scene changing didn't work after that because there was nothing significant connecting the two paragraphs.
As I read onward, I figured out why I was reminded of Doctor Who. The characters are unusually cooperative with the slave masters. When you think about it, it kind of makes sense, really. Slaves get better treatment if they cooperate. The slave masters act nicer to them because they don't fight back. Unlike about 80% of science fiction about slavery, this one recognizes how slaves and slave masters would really behave. You don't fight back unless you want to die. People don't moan and complain and whine about the slavemasters, they plot out their day-to-day affairs to ensure that they don't get beaten as much. It seems weird, but that's probably how it was done. I awarded another five kudos for the fact they didn't spend every waking moment planning escapes and overthrows. Not everyone can afford such things without fear of corporal punishment.
Shattered States
Shattered States: Morning Mayhem by The Nomadic Dragon
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)
This transformation story centers around a pilot. He lands his plane and finds out everyone's transforming. Typical transformation story.
I awarded five kudos for not using terms such as "morph" in the story for more than 3/4 of the page.
I also appreciated the fact that the fireman was not a dalmation. I gave a half kudos for that.
Another thing that was great about this story was the fact that people continued their business normally despite the transformations. Fires were still extinguished, plane wrecks were still being attended to. Unlike other transformation stories, this one seems to be set in the real world, where people still have to deal with the day-to-day, transformed or not. Nobody in this story took a holiday from their work the moment the transformation thing happened, they just kept going, pretending it wasn't happening, just like real people. I awarded ten kudos for that.
Overall, this was one of the better constructed transformation stories I've read, and since it was so short, it actually ended up with excess kudos (or negative cheese points), which is rare in most furry fiction.
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)
This transformation story centers around a pilot. He lands his plane and finds out everyone's transforming. Typical transformation story.
I awarded five kudos for not using terms such as "morph" in the story for more than 3/4 of the page.
I also appreciated the fact that the fireman was not a dalmation. I gave a half kudos for that.
Another thing that was great about this story was the fact that people continued their business normally despite the transformations. Fires were still extinguished, plane wrecks were still being attended to. Unlike other transformation stories, this one seems to be set in the real world, where people still have to deal with the day-to-day, transformed or not. Nobody in this story took a holiday from their work the moment the transformation thing happened, they just kept going, pretending it wasn't happening, just like real people. I awarded ten kudos for that.
Overall, this was one of the better constructed transformation stories I've read, and since it was so short, it actually ended up with excess kudos (or negative cheese points), which is rare in most furry fiction.
Seven Years
Seven Years by Lilly Rose Blossom at Fanfiction.net
There's nothing more boring to me than a cute baby story, and this is basically what this particular piece boils down to. I've seen cute babies, and seen one grow up in my house, and I know for a fact that they can become obnoxious quickly.
While the author does establish that it cries and disrupts lessons, the plot of the first few paragraphs lack real dramatic conflict. Netyri is allowed to bring the baby in, and they squeeze it.
Furthermore, they're in the jungle in the middle of nowhere. Why does there have to be a rule about no babies in class? Shouldn't it be a case-by-case judgment, like "You can bring it in if you can get it to shut up while I'm teaching" or something?
As I read down further, I saw that Grace ended the class and told her this very thing, but the excessive formality seems ridiculous in this situation.
When the sky people showed up, I finally got a sense of dramatic conflict, which is a shame because the author could have explored the tensions between Neytiri and Grace a bit further and had a bit more verbal swordplay or something.
As I read through the story, I realized that Jake was not listed as Neytiri's mate (or the baby's father), which I found nicely unique, but someone else who ends up getting killed, so I awarded a kudos for that.
At the end, Tsu tey rescues her baby, and I can see where this is going. Well, except for the baby. Maybe she has an abortion before Jake arrives? Not sure.
There's nothing more boring to me than a cute baby story, and this is basically what this particular piece boils down to. I've seen cute babies, and seen one grow up in my house, and I know for a fact that they can become obnoxious quickly.
While the author does establish that it cries and disrupts lessons, the plot of the first few paragraphs lack real dramatic conflict. Netyri is allowed to bring the baby in, and they squeeze it.
Furthermore, they're in the jungle in the middle of nowhere. Why does there have to be a rule about no babies in class? Shouldn't it be a case-by-case judgment, like "You can bring it in if you can get it to shut up while I'm teaching" or something?
As I read down further, I saw that Grace ended the class and told her this very thing, but the excessive formality seems ridiculous in this situation.
When the sky people showed up, I finally got a sense of dramatic conflict, which is a shame because the author could have explored the tensions between Neytiri and Grace a bit further and had a bit more verbal swordplay or something.
As I read through the story, I realized that Jake was not listed as Neytiri's mate (or the baby's father), which I found nicely unique, but someone else who ends up getting killed, so I awarded a kudos for that.
At the end, Tsu tey rescues her baby, and I can see where this is going. Well, except for the baby. Maybe she has an abortion before Jake arrives? Not sure.
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