SPARK: The flame dog. Protected by his allies, Jack, the flame kitten, Mike, the flame snake, Bob, the flame caterpillar, and Larry, the flame cactus.
COP: A regular human being, transformed into an agent for justice through taking law courses in college and working nights at Burger King. When wearing Kevlar, can only be killed by a shot to the head. At other times, vulnerable to blows to the head and other physical attacks. Advantages: Superhuman handgun skills due to months of practice on the range. Some combat skills. Amazing power to arrive an hour after a crime has occurred and write reports.
SOLDIER: A regular human being, transformed into an agent for furthering the goals of the United States through enlisting in the military and working nights at Burger King. Weakness: Bullets, grenades, and mortar fire, as well as toxic gas, nuclear weaponry and other deadly stuff. Advantages: Superhuman strength due to intense physical training, gunmanship, skill in driving some military vehicles. Amazing power to cancel gym memberships when stationed overseas. Has bad breath and sounds really whiny over the phone.
RETENSIO: A constipated human being, transformed into a regular human being by means of amazing laxatives.
TERRORIST: A constipated human being, transformed into an agent for destruction by Islam, democracy, and working at Burger King. Advantages: Immense power to avoid detection and survive daisy cutters and grenades by hiding in rat infested holes.
Disadvantages: Cannot bow to Mecca inside sewer pipe. Rats have an immense power to give them the bubonic plague.
CRIMINAL: A human being with indigestion, transformed into an agent of destruction by his indigestion, bad parenting, and having his job application rejected by Burger King. Advantages: Can rob people really well.
Disadvantages: Leaves evidence really well. Doesn't wear a mask.
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