Asking for the impossible

A report on Ufosoveramerica.com says:
"Me and my two friends have just came back from a long road trip. We believe we have truly made contact with ETS. Nobody believes us, please give us some information on what we saw, this huge saucer shaped ship hovered above us several times, and we seen it all the way home."

Yeah. Sure. I have no idea what the location is, who you are, or when it was. The five W's are missing. And I'm supposed to tell you information?

"The police did not do a thing. Plus it stopped in the middle of the road above us, and creatures ran across the road into a crop field."

Um...and the police being unhelpful is the alien's fault?

"We are really confused, because we don't believe in this stuff, and we don't know what to think, it was not a dream, plus 3 hours pasted like 3 minutes, were we abducted? we do not remember anything!"

I can fabricate something, if you want. But as for the truth, you're SOL.

"And there were mutilated cows in a pasture. Please help us to understand this bizarre phenomenon!"

Sorry, man. It looks like answer lies within...a spaceship.

UFO story

I was outside my house 6 days after my birthday and was looking at the stars with my new telescope. then i saw something that looked like a smooth silver sphere reflecting the sun. I watched it for about 5 minutes and it did nothing but sit there. then as if it were observing me it molded like silly putty into a human shape. then transformed back into a sphere. i watched it for longer and then transformed into a saucer and then lights flickered on and a circle appeared on the base of the saucer and then i remember that a bright light shown and it disappeared. But that's not all it came back the next night transformed into a pyramid and then went off. That was when I looked up from my telescope and saw the neighbor's window. I had been watching their television.

Then what's it about?

An entire paragraph of a UFO story by "K" is devoted to planting trees, which is totally pointless. And before that, he gives his entire work history, which also turns out to be irrelevant. The punchline is the last sentence of this paragraph.

"Christmas vacation was two weeks of time out of school that I could use to fatten the old wallet so to speak. I hooked up with some other Doverites that did contract work for the forest service planting pine seedlings in some clear-cut areas. Work started at daylight, and ended at dark since the days were short. We got paid by the acre. You carried a tool with you called a "bar" shaped kinda like a pogo stick except instead of a spring and a rubber cap on the end of the handle, there was a sharp spade-like blade of thick steel and a steel extension coming off one side to use your foot to help stab the blade into the ground. Stab the blade into the ground, push the bar forward to open a 8" deep hole, place the seedling in the ground (being careful not to J-root them) and then stomp with your boot to seal the hole. Step forward 5 steps and repeat the process. That is what planting pines is all about. But this story isn't about planting pine trees, even though right now it probably seems like it."