Crazy People Assignments

 Assignment 582: When working landscaping at an apartment complex, aim to do your noisiest mowing and weed trimming next to windows of people who work from home.

Assignment 583: Make a new line of fragrances that smell like a sewage treatment facility and burning tires.

Assignment 584: Check with the county assessor's office and records department to ensure all your office buildings and houses get built on Indian burial grounds and places with a horrible bloody past.

Assignment 573: Produce a small daily newspaper that delivers only to crypts, cemeteries, the back end of bus stations, storm sewers and the water heater rooms of apartment buildings. Keep the material fresh and new every day to catch the eye of your thousands of readers.

Assignment 574: Everybody is tired of The Daily Growl. Be the first to make a rubber newspaper chew toy for dogs with actual photographs and informative articles pertaining to dogs and things important to their lifestyle. Come out with new editions daily.

Assignment 575: Make recordings of the neighbor's dog whining and carrying on, then sneak up beside their house at four in the morning and play it on a loudspeaker while the owner is trying to sleep.

Assignment 576: You can easily fix those pesky scratches on CDs and DVDs with mayonnaise, whipped cream, bacon fat and peanut butter and jelly. Try them independently or all at once. Don't be fancy and wipe them off, just plug them in the machine like that. It'll make them run like new.