A Small Disappointment

A Small Disappointment by Eric Vary
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)

I'm shocked as hell to see this story on the Winds of Change website. I had no idea what the connection is, or why it's here, but I found it an interesting Vary-ation on the normal stuff he posts at forums and in comics.
It was short, so there wasn't too much to review, really.

Small Disappointment is pretty much your standard transformation story. Unfortunately, that means that the transformation "wave" ends up being described a lot like the hero is going through a bad case of diarrhea. The hero here is running and running home after the wave hits him. Kind of like how you'd be running after ten bran muffins and a big walnut ice cream smoothie. Is running home really going to help you when you're transforming into a duck?
As the story goes along, it's sort of a Mary Sue type of wish fulfillment type of tale, not much substance to the characters and the like, except for the protagonist.
The ending got a bit strange. One minute he's working at a grocery store or something, and he starts changing from his otter form to the form of a duck, and he panics and runs off to a pond. Then he tests out his wings and flies around. While the idea of running from your job and having fun or whatever has pathos to it, it usually results in this:
"Hello, Oren! This is the boss. You're fired. You see, you left your post today and it was very busy..."

Interesting or weird parts

"I looked around at the other people as they changed. Their reactions were understandably varied."


He kinda walked into that one!


"Most people would have laughed, but I'm one of those rare cases who, even before the change, longed to be some kind of fur- bearing animal. No one quite knows the reason, but I did. I wanted to be an otter, and that day, I could see that my wish was coming true."


I guess my non-suspension of disbelief comes from knowing the author too well. But to his credit, the guy in this story turns into a duck.


"There was no hope of going home, now. Even if I could carry my groceries and my clothes, there was no way of getting my apartment key into the doorknob."


If a human brain were somehow stuffed into a duck body, I'm sure it would find some way of sticking a key into a lock. I mean, there's a beak...figure out the groceries and clothes later. I'd award a cheese point, but I guess not everyone would have a clever solution to the problem, really.


"I knew that everyone had changed, but it still shocked me when a stuthiomimus answered the door. "Eric?" asked the dinosaur. "Is that you?""


I award a kudos for the irony of having a pastor turn into a creature that certain sects of Christianity won't accept as existing. Of course, it would be funnier if he turned into a monkey or something.


""Eric? Hey! How ya doin'? I figured you would have turned into an otter."
When he said that, I began to cry aloud. If you've never heard a duck cry, it's so stupid that it's hilarious. Of course, that embarrassed me, and the humiliation just made me cry louder.
"Aw, I'm sorry, Eric! I didn't mean anything by it!"
Pastor Jewel picked me up in his big, reptilian hands and stroked my back."

"Your back is so...soft...and warm...and downy smooth..."

Cheesey Story Checklist

Each item on this list earns a story 1 Cheese Point. Earning the maximum amount of Cheese Points will earn you the Golden Wedge! (Note: Additional points can be added only when the scene changes. Also, WTF points do not count for a trophy, but may be considered criminal evidence in some states)

Award one point for parental warning plot spoiler [Click For Explanation]:
0
Award one point for Copyright Spoiler [Click For Explanation]:
0
*Award one point for Lazy Narrator Intro. [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Yagermeister Influenced Intro. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Title Cheese. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Joe Is In A Room. (Bonus for Afterthought) [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for No Return:[Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for POV Potpourri: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Quick Release: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Flawless: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Flawless Beyond Logic: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Invincible Ego: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Villains: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Law: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Canon: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Overkill: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Straw Soldiers: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Red Shirt Deaths: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Herocentric Universe: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Can't Take a Joke: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: "Love Story" Tagline: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Planning For Yawns: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Magic on Demand: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Slightly Wounded Hero: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Know It All: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for "This Looks Neat". [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Fandom Style Manual. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for See Fandom Glossary. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Redundantly Redundant. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for CTRL+V. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Pretty Nice. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mega Recap. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Doctor Standards. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Info Dumptruck. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for "What do you mean, `Fire is hot'"? [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Fill Dirt Dumping [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Rererecap [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for MSDS Unabridged [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Conversational Sow's Ear: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Always The Right Shoulder: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Wish Fulfillment: [Click For Explanation]
1
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Everybody Loves Me: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: I'm So Sorry: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Canon: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Gee, Thanks Narrator: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for The J.K. Rowling: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for However, He Also Had A Gun: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Harlequin Romance: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Doctor Strangelove Dialog: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Patching: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Angry Lesbian Breasts: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Character Non-Descriptions: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Refer To Previous Description: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Refer To Movie: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Concept Salad: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for It's Lucky That: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Excessive Homage: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Temporal Salad: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One Point for That's Why I Prefer Amiga: [Click For Explanation]
0
*King Trite-On: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Raping the Fourth Wall: [Click For Explanation]
0
*The Space Bus: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Surfer Novelist: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Don't Think of An Elephant: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Step 1: He Got In The Car: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Hmm, I wonder what Rosebud Is: [Click For Explanation]
0
*He Is Because I Said He Is [Click For Explanation]
0
*"Translation: Where's The Beef?" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Unsolicited Detailing [Click For Explanation]
0
*Scene Shifting Without Clutch [Click For Explanation]
0
*You Wore It Out: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Adam West Narrative: [Click For Explanation]
0
*The Rabbit's Waistcoat: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Character Disassociation: [Click For Explanation]
0
*MEANWHILE... [Click For Explanation]
0
*Michael Gondry prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Textbook Hero: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Cookie Monster Style Manual: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Oh, I Forgot He's Naked: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Fakedreaming: [Click For Explanation]
0
*"In English, "Tree" Means Tree": [Click For Explanation]
0
*CUT TO: CHAPTER 2, PARAGRAPH 1 [Click For Explanation]
0
*Target Audience Yo-Yo [Click For Explanation]
0
*Shirley, You Can't Be Serious: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Name Overlap Confusion: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Moviephone Prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Shaggy Dog Ending: [Click For Explanation]
0
*A Word From Our Sponsors: [Click For Explanation]
0
*I'm Bored: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Retief Dialog: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Pranks For Those With No Friends: [Click For Explanation]
0
*It All Depends on Jarjar: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Archie Bunker Dad: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Pancake Villain: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Present Progressive Abuse: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Attention Defecit Prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Peeping Tom Universe: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Mr. Tree Monkey's Ulcer: [Click For Explanation]
0
*My Little Pony's Dark Secret: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Grandpa Skywalker's Story Time: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Inappropriate Punctuation and/or Shortcut Symbols: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point if the author describes actions with vague adverbs such as "sensually" or "brutally":
0
*Award one point for overly long uninterrupted Q&A session/info dump:
0
*Award one point if characters get into a long, drawn out argument/debate over a plot hole:
0
*One point for POV Spoiler where the disorganized POV of the story lead to the author giving away the plot:
0
Award one point for unprofessional use of numbers such as "he looked up and saw 2 men enter the room."
0
*One point for "Time (seemed to) stand still as..."
0
*One point for "As if on cue..."
0
*One point for unnecessary recap of events the reader has read.
0
*One point for over-explaining the self explanatory, or the obvious:
0
*One point for rewording an old adage to fit a new type of character/species/whatever, such as "A bird in claw is worth two in the bush."
0
*One point for trite expressions made literal, such as finding a drum, and a door nearby that is literally tighter.
0
*One point if it contains movie cliches:
0
*One point for pseudoscience Squared (The Twilight Effect):
0
*One point for excessive profanity that dulls the impact of profanity in the story:
0
*One point if the author kills a joke, pun or metaphor, or fails to understand the concept of a metaphor:
0
*One point for any bad puns:
0
*One point if there's an anticlimax:
0
*One point for a Mary Shelly ("I made my creation large so it would be easier to work on.")
0
*One point for Sex=1, Science=0:
0
*One point if alien biology is ninety to one hundred percent identical to earth biology:
0
*One point if popular song lyrics are quoted extensively:
0
*One point for character interactions and dialog in a description-less vacuum:
0
*Award one point for too many "saids".
0
*Award one point for any situation resembling the Kobiashi Muru:
0
*Award one point for American English names being used on all spaceships:
0
*Award one point for inertial dampers that don't work when the ship is attacked or hit by asteroids:
0
*Reader excluded from inside jokes:
0
*One point for the Christopher Walken (unconnected dialog):
0
*Extremely pointless mundane details:
0
*Award one point for He-Man nomenclature ("Get into the SkySled, Ram Man!):
0
*Turn based combat and/or any video game-like battle sequences:
0
*Pointless excursion into segment involving irrelevant side character or characters:
0
*A word is broken into two words when it isn't supposed to be:
0
*One point for recipe analogies. Example: "Add one part scumbag, one part moron, one part scientist, and you get Jeff."
0
*Award one point for inappropriate transition into action. Example: "He was a slim, muscular fellow, with raspberry hair and glistening white teeth, shoveling manure out of a barn with a pitchfork."
0
*First person narrative begins with something like, "You know, doctors say it's healthy for you to keep a diary..."
0
*Technobabble:
0
*Award one point for generic scenery descriptions:
0
*Award one point for narrator referencing unknown character not featured in story:
0
*Award one point for a character verbally finishing the narrator's thought, breaking the suspension of disbelief:
0
*Award one point for a Harry Potter millionaire (i.e. parents die and boy gets unlimited wealth, etc.)
0
*Award one point for characters doing exactly what is described in their elaborate plans, with no kinks in its execution:
0
*Award one point for adding a "you've got mail" to the dialog:
0
*"Dark as midnight", or anything "raven" in their description that isn't a raven:
0
*Award one point for vaguely defined setting, where you're not really sure what country or planet it is:
0
*Award one point for details about a character's employment (or lack thereof) as an afterthought:
0
*Use of the non-word "furred", or human equivalent such as "socked foot":
0
*Accidental use of popular quotes, such as "more than meets the eye" or "knowing is half the battle":
0
*"May you live in interesting times":
0
*"These aren't the droids you are looking for":
0
*"Nobody puts baby in the corner":
0
*"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."
0
*The guy who kills the thing or person trying to kill you is always a person you can trust:
0
*Award one point for a slapped on ending that really doesn't end the story.
0
*Award one point if the characters can hear capitalization in spoken words:
0
*Award one point if a figure of speech clashes with another identical sounding part of the sentence in a way that distracts from the reading, such as, "My relatives are strange, relatively speaking" and it's not done for humorous reasons:
0
*Award one point for referencing a popular internet meme (such as "I can has cheezburger") in the prose narrative:
0
*Award one point for inappropriate capitalization:
0
*Hero looks himself in the mirror or something else and reader gets description dump:
0
*Puberty gives you magic powers:
1
*Conflict resolution via info dump (narrator says it's solved and it is):
0
*Size 14 description in size 5 shoe:
0
*Canon character recounts his/her adventures that we already saw in a movie:
0
*Award one point for Yagermeister Influenced Conclusion:
0
*The Military Has Gone Soft:
0
*"Note To Self: Remove author's notes from story":
0
*Simulations prepare you for everything:
0
*Inappropriately/untimely sexual moment:
0
*Instant Pregnancy (And they just had sex an hour ago):
0
*Plot sketching instead of actual story:
0
*Freudian slip count:
0
*Grammatical error count (a point for each one):
0
*Typo Count (a point for each glaringly obvious typo):
0
*Racial/cultural stereotypes:
0
*Saccharine tablet (gooey sweet paragraph) count:
0
Subtotal: 2
Furry Cliches (+1/2 point for each)
*Not Naked, Sorta [Click For Explanation]
0
*"Exactly Like A Bat" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Furpile [Click For Explanation]
0
*I Knew My Change Was Complete [Click For Explanation]
0
*Transformation Holiday: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Instant Sexy, Just Add Fur: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Furries get lavish descriptions. Humans get nothing: 0
*You always can identify what you've transformed into: 0
*Your doctor can always identify what you've transformed into immediately (the Health Channel doesn't exist): 0
*Protagonist knows that his transformation is done: 0
*Kinky scene involving protagonist exploring his or her transformed body (award a bonus point if it is actually sexual in some way): 0
*The transformed always knows the correct diet they're supposed to eat/what environ they're supposed to inabit: 0
*Starting immediately with a transformation without establishing the character's humanity before the change: 1/2
*The internet was right: 0
*Transformation is the only topic of conversation: 0
*Furries don't receive spam: 0
*Transformed people can still eat normally: 0
*Hero faces an unreal crisis that only people in the fandom care about and believe to be a crisis: 0
*Humans and/or simians are evil or otherwise cannot be trusted: 0
*"Assembled furs," "he saw a fur enter the room" and other generic animal character descriptions: 0
*Part of the story is written around commissioned art (add a bonus point if it is irrelevant to the plot): 0
*Character faces an existential crisis because they are told, or believe, that furries do not have souls. Or the church tells them they have no soul: 0
*A character "unsheaths" something on their body, and it isn't a sword: 0
*Characters named after what they look like: 0
*"The Christian church hates furries/The Christian church is evil": 0
*"Playing with nipples enough can cause an orgasm": 0
*Breastfeeding fetish (bonus point if there's some flimsy excuse for an adult feeding): 0
*Breast fetish (bonus point if overtly stated): 0
*Parents take bestiality marriage/mating unusually well: 0
*There are special classes for learning how to be the animal you've changed into: 0
*You can only get pregnant when you're in heat: 0
*Obligatory furry newscast: 0
*Obligatory magic power endowment: 0
*The Memory Warehouse/Hallway (or wall) of Furry Power: 1/2
*The president became a bald eagle: 0
*Using a synonym for animal features instead of actually describing the character (example: "Her feline ears perked up at the sound"):
0
*Literal bitches (female canines) literally acting like bitches:
0
*Character goes to the mall immediately after transformation. There is always a mall available for this purpose:
0
*After transforming, the hero automatically finds a new girlfriend:
0
*The news is the only thing on, or the only thing anybody watches:
0
Furry Subtotal: 1
Unclassified Cheese Bonus (Described in review or "Weird Parts:" section): 0
Subtotal: 3
Kudos
*"Caught In A Plot Web" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one kudos if the character is introduced before their name is used in the story.
0
*Kudos for breaking away from canon (fanfiction only):
0
*Author subtly sets up plot elements that fit together in an unexpected climax:
0
*Author gets away with bad writing mechanics due to captivating story:
0
*Proper use of the word "its":
0
*Misc Kudos: -1
Total Kudos Deduction: -1
OVERALL CHEESE SCORE: 2
WTF: 0
Sleaze-O-Meter (One for every scene and/or dialog goes beyond the pale in trashiness): 0