A Sense of Duty

A Sense of Duty by Scott Anderson
(Source: http://woc-archive.xepher.net/index.php)

The story begins with a domestic scene regarding Major Tom, who seems to be a pilot. Hmmm.
As the story progressed, I found few things to complain about. Whoever this Scott Anderson person is, he did the research, and I found the story about the pilot believable. It even hinted at adultery, which is a surprisingly sophisticated plot twist in this type of story. That and the fact that it was largely about humans made this one stand apart from its counterparts. I awarded ten kudos for the first half of the story.
As the story continued, I sensed something interesting about to happen, but didn't get much near the end of the chapter but something that seemed to be more hinting at an affair. Not knowing much of anything about the military, the rules of managing the troops and such seemed plausible, and I didn't have much to complain about in terms of realism or writing.
As expected, the story hit some bumps when it reached chapter 2. The conversation in the cockpit seemed a bit unrealistic, considering they're in airplanes and one has to use a radio. It went from a realistic conversation to a semi unrealistic one, to one that would never happen on a radio.
The transitions between the general's scenes and his family are so-so. I can't completely say that they lack transitions, but they also don't have a break in between paragraphs to include a change in thought. I didn't grade off on this, though.
After this, we get the transformation story. It seemed a bit rushed, really. I mean, they watch TV and suddenly they transform as they're watching news reports about it. I'd say that's sort of a movie cliche.
On the other hand, I liked how the author strings the suspense along. The first thing I wanted to know is if the guys in the airplanes would transform and crash their airplanes and die, but instead we go back to the family, which builds suspense.
And then it got better.

I thought it was great how the guy's daughter had a bunch of unresolved psychological issues, and knew where his pistol was hidden. I also liked how one pilot turned into a whale, destroyed his plane, and did a Hitchhiker's Guide through the air to presumably splatter on the ground below. I awarded ten kudos for making it really interesting.
I kept hoping that the guy's wife, now a pigeon, would flap up to the side of his plane and criticize him for not coming home the previous night, but it didn't happen.
I also thought that most of his fellow pilots should have died due to losing their ability to control the planes. The guy with three fingers and the guy with the huge monster body probably should have wrecked.
I liked how the other pilots talked the one guy into not wrecking by lying to him. It seemed like something pilots would do in this type of situation.
The disciplinary action the general faced when returning to the ground was well played. It seemed plausible, though I think it would have been more exciting if he ended up being court martialled anyway.
After the wife conveniently turns into a pigeon, it seems the general is free to have an affair with his mechanic. The affair doesn't happen, but it seemed very likely.
A well constructed scene follows this, one involving him racing across town, arriving at his house looking like something from the daughter's nightmares, and him getting shot. The author set up all the pieces to this event so carefully that I didn't notice until the scene unfolded. I award a kudos for the cleverness.
It's too bad that it faltered after this. The Siberian tiger bit seemed a bit slapped on, and the POV change was enough to break my suspension of disbelief. The introduction of this character just wasn't executed very well.
The battle itself, however, turned out to be exciting, and I kept wanting to find out what happened next. The only problem I saw with it was the target audience issue. Up until this point, it seemed about right for the Harry Potter age group, with nothing too adult being featured (the whale's death wasn't described in detail, nor were any other deaths before this, no foul language, no sex...). But then I'm reading about blood and guts and brains splattering on the wall. I awarded a cheese point for the contradiction.

Weird Parts

As Tom runs out to his red, gas guzzling Ford 4x4 (he refused to have it converted to a more economical alcohol, or fuel cell) his wife calls out “I love you Tom”
He responds with a wink and casual “ I know”, as he starts the engine and drives away,

I suspect the author is intentionally channeling David Bowie. Major Tom is in the Air Force, and married. I hope there isn't going to be a scene where he tells Ground Control, "Tell my wife I love her."

“Ah... Tom... come in, have a seat, no need to be so formal now, is there? ”The Colonel said smoothly, his easy demeanor putting Tom on edge, it being much different than the Major’s other visits to Jackson’s office.
“Well Major, I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you in,” the Colonel leafed through some papers in a thinly disguised attempt to get Tom to ask “Why sir “.

"We're assigning you to NASA. They've got a new rocketship called the Tin Can they want to try to send to the moon."

“Earth to Tom Earth to- oh back are we, well let’s preflight the jets and set the radios, before they get back.”

Don't you mean, "Ground Control to Major Tom"?


It was when John Moore had told his tale, that the flight was passing over the edge of Oklahoma, and down through Texas, headed for the gulf of Mexico, when Harry, Gourye chimed in.
“My turn sir “ he calls excitedly even with the Voice distortion caused by the radios.
“Go ahead Harry “ Tom replies.” gently
Well I am Harry Gourye, From Texas my families, ranchers, but before you go on with the comments, we raise EMU’s.
But I I’ve always enjoyed flying got myself a crop duster to fool around with, my Dad noticed my fondness of flight and suggested I try the Air academy in Colorado.
So I applied and here I am.” He concluded.

A lot I don't understand here. How many seats in this plane? I presume the guy's in another plane. If so, why was the radio on for the entire course of the first guy's story? Also, why would the general allow him to fill up the radio with useless prattle when the radio should be reserved for important messages, such as "Look out! You're about to hit that tree!" In some ways, I could buy it because I watch too many movies, and maybe, just maybe, some military place doesn't care about radio chatter. Still, I awarded one cheese point because the conversation seemed so out of place that it took me out of the story. Conversation #1 was fine. It was the guy on the radio that bothers me.


After Gourye’s story the comm. chatter trailed off, as the pilots flew in peaceful quiet.
Until as they left Texas behind and started over the gulf. Then, Mike Redford spoke up.
He told his tale sad as it was, beginning with his parent’s death when he was 4 and ending with his successful graduation from the academy.
“Redford”, Tom called
“Yes sir?” Mike answered
That is without a doubt the most depressing tale I’ve heard.”
“Sorry sir”
Not your fault, but I think you may have made yourself the squadron sympathy case.”

And herein lies the most unrealistic part. As mentioned earlier, radio contact should probably be limited to "Look out! Jackson's coming in at you from four o'clock!" and not for telling your life story. Yes, they might be flying over the Atlantic for hours, but it's a radio. Sure, there might be some unmonitored channels you can use, but I still find it hard to believe a military general would find it okay to tell your life story to someone in another airplane over the radio for ten to twenty minutes. A military chaplain, maybe, but not a general. Pilots wear oxygen masks for a reason. I award five cheese points for destroying my suspension of disbelief.

As the flight continued with the new pilots stories now told, Tom began to test his new pilots ACM abilities.
“Right lads the game is to get a solid lock and hold it for 5-10 seconds, if you get a lock break it before that times over or your dead. O.K. No weapons releases!!
Understood boys?”
“Yes sir “ the pilots replied as they split off for the fights

This is what Major Tom should have done from the get-go. All that sharing of feelings should have been done on the ground. Otherwise he's wasting fuel.

Katharine “Katie” Carlson was shrinking smaller and smaller as her own rational thoughts were forced out of her head by an increasingly strong instinct to flee. Her size quickly dropped to that of a house cat, her hands extending in to a wing like structure, the primary flight feathers growing in at an extraordinary rate.
Soon where there was Samm's mother there was only a common pigeon …
“Mom?” Samm asked timidly lest she frighten her.
As it was the instincts that were in control of Katie’s body panicked at the sound, and fled for the open freedom of the sky.

Well, that's one way to get out of a crumbling marriage...

He was to all intents and purposes your typical Werewolf, upright, with a forwards pointing head and digit grade legs, his hands, forepaws, yet retained the thumb and a good degree of flexibility his tail and nether regions were fully canine if appearance.

It sounds like the guy's pants somehow came off during the flight, and it seems everything is showing. This was not mentioned earlier. However, to the author's credit, his superior officer says his manner of dress is "disgraceful", which seems to explain the situation in greater detail. Still, it seems a bit inappropriately sexual, especially since he's later described as wearing briefs.

As grease covered vixen pulled her head out of the undercarriage ports.
“And just who the hell do you think you are?“ she demanded. Tapping a ratchet against her bare fur in aggravation
“ I madam, Am Major Tom Carlson” He bellowed back.
“Tom... “ She cried as she dropped her ratchet on the concrete, before rushing up and embracing him.
“ You look so different… I didn’t recognize you… your …what a dog thing?” Laura yipped as she released him from her embrace stepping back so Tom could see her
As Tom looked at his longtime mechanic, he was amazed at the differences now where she had stood even at his shoulders she was now down around his chest...

More inappropriately sexual things going on here. The mix-up with the pronouns here makes it sound like she's getting up close and personal.

So Gourye… you ok “ Tom said to the tan fleshed thing with the huge wings
“Yea I'm ok my wings took a bit of a battering from the wind up there but I seem to be ok. The doc said to come back if they hurt me; she’s very busy Right now. “
“You look great… I mean with those wings on your arms, and that killer beak.

Cheese-tastic dialog, author! I award two cheese points for this.

She fired as she had seen so many Hollywood stars do in the movies her.
The round propelled by the powder flew straight and true shattering the double glazed window on its one-way route to violence.

If she fired like she saw in the movies, wouldn't she end up missing and destroying the wall or something? Movies show people holding a gun sideways in order to fire it and a myriad of other bad techniques. Point.

“Major Tom Carlson, Again you have demonstrated your sense of duty, first as a commander keeping your flight under control and calm, and as a father “pointing to the sleeping Samm whose slice of pizza had fallen on to her blouse “for these things and more I have renamed Dagger squadron in your honour … Major Tom Carlson you now command Night-Wolves squadron”

I award five cheese points for this because it's not named The Carlson Squad, it's named after his appearance. I mean, if he suddenly turned African American, they wouldn't call the group Black Guy Squadron, would they?

Cheesey Story Checklist

Each item on this list earns a story 1 Cheese Point. Earning the maximum amount of Cheese Points will earn you the Golden Wedge! (Note: Additional points can be added only when the scene changes. Also, WTF points do not count for a trophy, but may be considered criminal evidence in some states)

Award one point for parental warning plot spoiler [Click For Explanation]:
0
Award one point for Copyright Spoiler [Click For Explanation]:
0
*Award one point for Lazy Narrator Intro. [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Yagermeister Influenced Intro. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Title Cheese. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Joe Is In A Room. (Bonus for Afterthought) [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for No Return:[Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for POV Potpourri: [Click For Explanation]
2&1/2
*One point for Quick Release: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Flawless: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Flawless Beyond Logic: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Invincible Ego: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Villains: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mister Invincible - Category: Law: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Canon: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Overkill: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Straw Soldiers: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Red Shirt Deaths: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Herocentric Universe: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Can't Take a Joke: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: "Love Story" Tagline: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Planning For Yawns: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Magic on Demand: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Slightly Wounded Hero: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one point for Mister Invincible - Category: Know It All: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for "This Looks Neat". [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Fandom Style Manual. [Click For Explanation]
3
*One point for See Fandom Glossary. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Redundantly Redundant. [Click For Explanation]
2
*One point for CTRL+V. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Pretty Nice. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mega Recap. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Doctor Standards. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Info Dumptruck. [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for "What do you mean, `Fire is hot'"? [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Fill Dirt Dumping [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Rererecap [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for MSDS Unabridged [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Conversational Sow's Ear: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Always The Right Shoulder: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Wish Fulfillment: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Everybody Loves Me: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: I'm So Sorry: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Mary Sue: Category: Canon: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Gee, Thanks Narrator: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for The J.K. Rowling: [Click For Explanation]
1
*One point for However, He Also Had A Gun: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Harlequin Romance: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Doctor Strangelove Dialog: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Patching: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Angry Lesbian Breasts: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Character Non-Descriptions: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Refer To Previous Description: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Refer To Movie: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for Concept Salad: [Click For Explanation]
0
*One point for It's Lucky That: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Excessive Homage: [Click For Explanation]
3
*Temporal Salad: [Click For Explanation]
4
*One Point for That's Why I Prefer Amiga: [Click For Explanation]
0
*King Trite-On: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Raping the Fourth Wall: [Click For Explanation]
0
*The Space Bus: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Surfer Novelist: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Don't Think of An Elephant: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Step 1: He Got In The Car: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Hmm, I wonder what Rosebud Is: [Click For Explanation]
0
*He Is Because I Said He Is [Click For Explanation]
0
*"Translation: Where's The Beef?" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Unsolicited Detailing [Click For Explanation]
0
*Scene Shifting Without Clutch [Click For Explanation]
3
*You Wore It Out: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Adam West Narrative: [Click For Explanation]
0
*The Rabbit's Waistcoat: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Character Disassociation: [Click For Explanation]
0
*MEANWHILE... [Click For Explanation]
0
*Michael Gondry prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Textbook Hero: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Cookie Monster Style Manual: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Oh, I Forgot He's Naked: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Fakedreaming: [Click For Explanation]
0
*"In English, "Tree" Means Tree": [Click For Explanation]
0
*CUT TO: CHAPTER 2, PARAGRAPH 1 [Click For Explanation]
0
*Target Audience Yo-Yo [Click For Explanation]
1
*Shirley, You Can't Be Serious: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Name Overlap Confusion: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Moviephone Prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Shaggy Dog Ending: [Click For Explanation]
0
*A Word From Our Sponsors: [Click For Explanation]
0
*I'm Bored: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Retief Dialog: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Pranks For Those With No Friends: [Click For Explanation]
0
*It All Depends on Jarjar: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Archie Bunker Dad: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Pancake Villain: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Present Progressive Abuse: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Attention Defecit Prose: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Peeping Tom Universe: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Mr. Tree Monkey's Ulcer: [Click For Explanation]
0
*My Little Pony's Dark Secret: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Grandpa Skywalker's Story Time: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Inappropriate Punctuation and/or Shortcut Symbols: [Click For Explanation]
1
*One point if the author describes actions with vague adverbs such as "sensually" or "brutally":
0
*Award one point for overly long uninterrupted Q&A session/info dump:
0
*Award one point if characters get into a long, drawn out argument/debate over a plot hole:
0
*One point for POV Spoiler where the disorganized POV of the story lead to the author giving away the plot:
0
Award one point for unprofessional use of numbers such as "he looked up and saw 2 men enter the room."
0
*One point for "Time (seemed to) stand still as..."
0
*One point for "As if on cue..."
0
*One point for unnecessary recap of events the reader has read.
0
*One point for over-explaining the self explanatory, or the obvious:
0
*One point for rewording an old adage to fit a new type of character/species/whatever, such as "A bird in claw is worth two in the bush."
0
*One point for trite expressions made literal, such as finding a drum, and a door nearby that is literally tighter.
0
*One point if it contains movie cliches:
1
*One point for pseudoscience Squared (The Twilight Effect):
0
*One point for excessive profanity that dulls the impact of profanity in the story:
0
*One point if the author kills a joke, pun or metaphor, or fails to understand the concept of a metaphor:
0
*One point for any bad puns:
0
*One point if there's an anticlimax:
0
*One point for a Mary Shelly ("I made my creation large so it would be easier to work on.")
0
*One point for Sex=1, Science=0:
0
*One point if alien biology is ninety to one hundred percent identical to earth biology:
0
*One point if popular song lyrics are quoted extensively:
0
*One point for character interactions and dialog in a description-less vacuum:
0
*Award one point for too many "saids".
0
*Award one point for any situation resembling the Kobiashi Muru:
0
*Award one point for American English names being used on all spaceships:
0
*Award one point for inertial dampers that don't work when the ship is attacked or hit by asteroids:
0
*Reader excluded from inside jokes:
0
*One point for the Christopher Walken (unconnected dialog):
0
*Extremely pointless mundane details:
0
*Award one point for He-Man nomenclature ("Get into the SkySled, Ram Man!):
0
*Turn based combat and/or any video game-like battle sequences:
0
*Pointless excursion into segment involving irrelevant side character or characters:
0
*A word is broken into two words when it isn't supposed to be:
0
*One point for recipe analogies. Example: "Add one part scumbag, one part moron, one part scientist, and you get Jeff."
0
*Award one point for inappropriate transition into action. Example: "He was a slim, muscular fellow, with raspberry hair and glistening white teeth, shoveling manure out of a barn with a pitchfork."
0
*First person narrative begins with something like, "You know, doctors say it's healthy for you to keep a diary..."
0
*Technobabble:
0
*Award one point for generic scenery descriptions:
0
*Award one point for narrator referencing unknown character not featured in story:
0
*Award one point for a character verbally finishing the narrator's thought, breaking the suspension of disbelief:
0
*Award one point for a Harry Potter millionaire (i.e. parents die and boy gets unlimited wealth, etc.)
0
*Award one point for characters doing exactly what is described in their elaborate plans, with no kinks in its execution:
0
*Award one point for adding a "you've got mail" to the dialog:
0
*"Dark as midnight", or anything "raven" in their description that isn't a raven:
0
*Award one point for vaguely defined setting, where you're not really sure what country or planet it is:
0
*Award one point for details about a character's employment (or lack thereof) as an afterthought:
0
*Use of the non-word "furred", or human equivalent such as "socked foot":
0
*Accidental use of popular quotes, such as "more than meets the eye" or "knowing is half the battle":
0
*"May you live in interesting times":
0
*"These aren't the droids you are looking for":
0
*"Nobody puts baby in the corner":
0
*"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."
0
*The guy who kills the thing or person trying to kill you is always a person you can trust:
0
*Award one point for a slapped on ending that really doesn't end the story.
0
*Award one point if the characters can hear capitalization in spoken words:
0
*Award one point if a figure of speech clashes with another identical sounding part of the sentence in a way that distracts from the reading, such as, "My relatives are strange, relatively speaking" and it's not done for humorous reasons:
0
*Award one point for referencing a popular internet meme (such as "I can has cheezburger") in the prose narrative:
0
*Award one point for inappropriate capitalization:
0
*Hero looks himself in the mirror and reader gets description dump:
0
*Puberty gives you magic powers:
0
*Conflict resolution via info dump (narrator says it's solved and it is):
0
*Size 14 description in size 5 shoe:
0
*Canon character recounts his/her adventures that we already saw in a movie:
0
*Award one point for Yagermeister Influenced Conclusion:
0
*The Military Has Gone Soft:
0
*"Note To Self: Remove author's notes from story":
0
*Simulations prepare you for everything:
0
*Inappropriately/untimely sexual moment:
2&1/2
*Instant Pregnancy (And they just had sex an hour ago):
0
*Plot sketching instead of actual story:
0
*Freudian slip count:
0
*Grammatical error count (a point for each one):
0
*Typo Count (a point for each glaringly obvious typo):
3
*Racial/cultural stereotypes:
0
*Saccharine tablet (gooey sweet paragraph) count:
0
Subtotal: 26

Furry Cliches (+1/2 point for each)
*Not Naked, Sorta [Click For Explanation]
0
*"Exactly Like A Bat" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Furpile [Click For Explanation]
0
*I Knew My Change Was Complete [Click For Explanation]
0
*Transformation Holiday: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Instant Sexy, Just Add Fur: [Click For Explanation]
0
*Furries get lavish descriptions. Humans get nothing: 0
*You always can identify what you've transformed into: 0
*Your doctor can always identify what you've transformed into immediately (the Health Channel doesn't exist): 0
*Protagonist knows that his transformation is done: 1/2
*Kinky scene involving protagonist exploring his or her transformed body (award a bonus point if it is actually sexual in some way): 0
*The transformed always knows the correct diet they're supposed to eat/what environ they're supposed to inabit: 0
*Starting immediately with a transformation without establishing the character's humanity before the change: 0
*The internet was right: 0
*Transformation is the only topic of conversation: 0
*Furries don't receive spam: 0
*Transformed people can still eat normally: 0
*Hero faces an unreal crisis that only people in the fandom care about and believe to be a crisis: 0
*Humans and/or simians are evil or otherwise cannot be trusted: 0
*"Assembled furs," "he saw a fur enter the room" and other generic animal character descriptions: 0
*Part of the story is written around commissioned art (add a bonus point if it is irrelevant to the plot): 0
*Character faces an existential crisis because they are told, or believe, that furries do not have souls. Or the church tells them they have no soul: 0
*A character "unsheaths" something on their body, and it isn't a sword: 0
*Characters named after what they look like: 0
*"The Christian church hates furries/The Christian church is evil": 0
*"Playing with nipples enough can cause an orgasm": 0
*Breastfeeding fetish (bonus point if there's some flimsy excuse for an adult feeding): 0
*Breast fetish (bonus point if overtly stated): 0
*Parents take bestiality marriage/mating unusually well: 0
*There are special classes for learning how to be the animal you've changed into: 0
*You can only get pregnant when you're in heat: 0
*Obligatory furry newscast: 1/2
*Obligatory magic power endowment: 0
*The Memory Warehouse/Hallway (or wall) of Furry Power: 0
*The president became a bald eagle: 0
*Using a synonym for animal features instead of actually describing the character (example: "Her feline ears perked up at the sound"):
0
*Literal bitches (female canines) literally acting like bitches:
0
*Character goes to the mall immediately after transformation. There is always a mall available for this purpose:
0
*After transforming, the hero automatically finds a new girlfriend:
0
*The news is the only thing on, or the only thing anybody watches:
0
Furry Subtotal: 1
Unclassified Cheese Bonus (Described in review or "Weird Parts:" section): 6
Subtotal: 8
Kudos
*"Caught In A Plot Web" [Click For Explanation]
0
*Award one kudos if the character is introduced before their name is used in the story.
0
*Kudos for breaking away from canon (fanfiction only):
0
*Author subtly sets up plot elements that fit together in an unexpected climax:
-10
*Author gets away with bad writing mechanics due to captivating story:
-2
*Misc Kudos: -21
Total Kudos Deduction:
OVERALL CHEESE SCORE: 14
WTF: 0
Sleaze-O-Meter (One for every scene and/or dialog goes beyond the pale in trashiness): 0